Have you ever seen someone laughing and having a good time then suddenly he or she bursts into tears? How about someone who has gone seemingly instantaneously from being mellow and happy to yelling and screaming? If you have, you may have been witnessing someone going through a reaction sequence. Sometimes people think those who act this way are crazy. It is helpful to realize what the behavior is and why the person is struggling. Perhaps then your judgments won’t be so harsh. All of us have experienced a quick change of emotion at one time or another—or a reaction sequence.

Reaction Sequence Roadmap

A reaction sequence begins with a stimulus and ends with a response. Someone experiencing a reaction sequence can shift from one emotional state to another in a short period of time. As an example, in a divorce many people develop intense negative emotions toward their spouse (or ex-spouse). Oftentimes these people begin to run the gamut of emotions, from concern to real apprehension or hatred whenever their ex is around. These feelings can be triggered by simple things such as the sound of an ex-spouse’s car pulling into the driveway, hearing that particular voice on the other end of the phone, seeing his or her number on the caller ID, or a pending court date. Since contact is a common experience during the divorce proceedings, sometimes it is hard to avoid the reaction sequence.

Here’s an example of how a reaction sequence could work in a divorce situation:

1. Stimulus—You see your ex-spouse’s phone number on your caller ID.
2. Emotion—Instant apprehension or a wave of anger. All of us have experienced at one time or another quick change of emotion—or a reaction sequence.
3. Thought—What does he/she want from me this time?
4. Chemical Release—Your body floods with adrenaline, preparing you for a pending disagreement or fight.
5. Body Language—You become tense and rigid.
6. Thought—You begin to wonder if this situation will ever end.
7. Hypothesis—I wonder if my ex-spouse will ever stop hurting me.
8. Belief—My ex-spouse is going to hurt me no matter what I do.
9. Response—I automatically become anxious and begin to panic.

Once a reaction sequence develops, it can take less than one second to go through the whole process. How does it happen so fast? Your mind remembers its experiences, both positive and negative, and it gives meaning to everything we go through. The next time something occurs that reminds us of an event and its associated meaning, our mind automatically runs the new experience through its filter—which is the related past experience. Now your mind uses this to determine how to deal with the pending situation. /at is how our mind copes with negative events. Unfortunately, many negative reaction sequences are left unresolved. The result is anxiety, depression, and other negative emotions that linger, electrifying our senses even when there is no need.

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 6:28 pm | Comments (0)

Here are some ideas to get going and stay going at a peak level:

Start each day with a review of your goals. In a 24/7 world, it’s easy to lose sight of where you ultimately want to go. Take the 30 minutes at the beginning of each day, when your mind is still clear, to review your goals. Start with your big goals and then put today’s work in the context of achieving them. If there is a chronic discrepancy between your long-term goals and what you are planning to work on today, it will unmistakably emerge in these early morning sessions.

Figure out your “next actions.” When you are overwhelmed with a seemingly endless to-do list, many motivational experts recommend starting with anything in order to “get some points on the board” by checking something off the list. While doing something may be better than doing nothing, doing the right thing is better still. David Allen, a well-known productivity consultant, recommends identifying the next physical action required for each of your open projects. That way, your to-do list is not encumbered with everything, but just with the “next things.” No matter what you do on the list, you will be accomplishing something that matters.

Do nothing. Another way to sustain your motivation is to periodically do nothing. Turn off your Blackberry, hibernate your computer, shut down your iPod—actually take 20 minutes or so to truly do nothing but sit and relax. If you are unfamiliar with this process, the first time will seem like torture after about five minutes. But with a little practice you will find that a brief respite of real quiet can be tremendously rejuvenating.

Look to your energy levels. Consider the advice of performance consultants Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz who say, “Energy, not time, is the fundamental currency of high performance.” After years studying professional athletes, they realized that in many ways, your brain is exactly like the muscles in your body. Too much work will strain it and you will perform below your peak. (Too little mental work will cause the same result, but not many of us face that issue.) In their book The Power of Full Engagement, Loehr and Schwartz say that stress is important to maintain motivation—provided that you build in sufficient recovery time. Their techniques for managing your energy levels range from taking 10-15 minutes for a walk around the block every couple of hours, to changing your diet, to building in recovery time after the work day ends and it is time to re-engage with your family or with your partner.

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 9:20 pm | Comments (0)

A practice of any kind can keep you tethered to yourself in those times when overwhelm wants to scatter your enegery to the wind. Regularly repeated, these practices are best cultivated in times when things are going well so that they are there to sustain you when you get overwhelmed. Some examples:

• Say a small prayer, read a meditation book or a holy book or recite a poem each morning to greet the day.
• Walk the dog while whispering all the things for which you forgive yourself.
• Write in a journal as fast as you can for 15 minutes first thing in the morning without editing or judging. Pour it all out on paper.
• Do the “Salute to the Sun” yoga postures every morning after arising.

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 10:20 am | Comments (0)

We can learn all the self-management tricks in the book, but none of them will be worth a dime if we don’t follow through and use them. That’s where self-discipline comes in. There’s no easy, painless way to enforce self-discipline, but if we don’t utilize it, we will be left forever unfulfilled.

Brian Tracy, one of the world’s top business speakers and author of 35 books on business and personal productivity, offers some very simple advice: Simply start doing what you know you need to do. Stop pushing it off for later. Once you start seeing the results active self-discipline yields, the desire for the payoff begins to become greater than your resistance to taking action.

To more easily promote successful self-discipline, break down tasks into smaller chunks and then simply focusing on taking the first steps. This way all your tasks and goals won’t feel so overwhelming, which makes it easier to take action.

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 9:05 pm | Comments (0)

Write down all the nurturing things you can think of to do when overwhelm begins to visit. They’ll help you reconnect with yourself, to re-collect and re-focus your energy inside. Keep a copy with you and one at home. When you begin to notice your particular symptoms and/or triggers, use the list to remind yourself of things that have worked in the past. Here are just a few suggestions. Be as creative as you want.

• Breathe. Remember the breath’s metaphor: Let in; let go.
• Wrap up in a blanket. Cuddle.
• Dance alone, with or without music. Let your body lead the way.
• Listen to violin, cello or piano music. Let the music elicit tears.
• Light a candle. Maybe it’s one small candle at your work desk or lots of candles around your house.
• Watch a funny video. Laughter has a positive effect on brain chemistry.
• Ask for help. It’s a gift that allows others the opportunity to give.
• Go for a walk. Exercise increases adrenaline and endorphins, the body’s natural antidepressants.
• Lie on the grass outside. Connect with the earth’s regenerating powers.
• Go to your room—or your car—and sing to yourself. Or hum quietly as you work.

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 8:52 pm | Comments (0)

Secret #1: Proper Motivation

Secret #2: Positioning Your Environment For Success

Secret #3: Ridding Yourself of Weak-kneed Excuses

Secret #4: Turning Up the Heat on Luke-warm Desire

Key Points:

* Doesn’t matter how you motive yourself as long as:

1. it is complimentary to your personality
2. the method you use has sustainability.

* Timeline is important because:

1. It keeps you focused on the goal and helps you overcome many of the distractions.
2. Like what my children found when they didn’t have enough time to argue with me about the guidelines, you have to give up all the excuses or the doubts that the task set out before you is impossible—and get to work.

* Choosing what to be motivated by, is not a list of “shoulds” and “oughts,” but is your choice.

* Change your environment to be supportive of your goals.

* Align your goals with your values.

* Excuses will keep you from living a bigger life.

Posted in: Step It Up Living at 11:31 am | Comments (0)

Do you choose easy or do you choose hard? There is no right or wrong answer. I have friends who are quite proud that they choose easy. By their choice, they have a much smoother way of life. Also by this choice they choose the consequences, which will likely be to stay where they already are in their potential. If that is what they want, may they have the peace they seek.

If, on the other hand, you choose hard, you are looking at the possibility of being frustrated, down, stressed, and wondering what in the heck you’re doing—until the blessed gift of slipping into the zone arrives. Choosing hard isn’t for everyone. It requires a lot of determination, persistence, and grit. It also requires you to be a gambler because there is no guarantee that it will all turn out in the end.

The rewards can be huge. I submit—excluding divine intervention—that nothing great has ever been accomplished without choosing hard. There is a difference between choosing hard and deciding the task is hard. I am all about simplifying and not complicating things in order to reach objectives. In the long run choosing hard is, in fact, choosing easy. If I choose to make the hard decision of staying healthy, down the line, when others who didn’t make those choices are getting ill, I will be reaping the benefits of that hard beginning choice. The same goes in all areas of life, for everyone.

Posted in: Step It Up Living at 9:23 pm | Comments (0)

I am so excited to announce how one of my client’s is stepping it up and launching a great new business.  Check it out!

Cable Care Couture is a fashion blog committed to showcasing the cutest modest clothes on the market!  Cable Car Couture features spotlights on real women, incredible designers, big and small, as well as fantastic giveaways!  Visit www.cablecarcouture.com for the whole scoop!

I was inspired to create Cable Car Couture as I was researching fabulous modest clothes in preparation for America’s Top Model.  I knew I couldn’t keep these marvelous modest frocks to myself and thus, Cable Car Couture was born.  It is a true labor of love.

Please add www.cablecarcouture.com to your blogroll and spread the word!

A recent post you may enjoy:

WSJ: Assets Covered

Posted in: Step It Up Living at 6:03 pm | Comments (0)

         As a mother and an employer there are two characteristics I praise above all others.  They are accountability and responsibility.  When a person is straight with you about their actions, when you can trust that they will do what they say they will do, then true comfort and trust can be built.  Give me a child or an employee with these characteristics and I will give you someone that is easy to rely on and who will be successful in many areas of their lives.

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 2:00 pm | Comments (0)

I wanted to share a success of one of  my client’s.  It is so exciting to watch people to step into their dreams.

When I was 8 years old, I took a modeling class.  And let me tell you, I had a kick butt runway walk – even then!  As kids, we dabbled in the entertainment industry, being involved in commercials and movies.  As a teenager I totally wanted to model and even went to an agency!  I was instructed to lose an inch off my hips and come back.  Though I never did, I have thought about modeling for years and gone through phases of enthusiasm… but never really done anything about it.

Until now.  In November, I started working with life coach Lisa J. Peck, the Step It Up Queen.  The weekend before, this urge to model had been rekindled so we talked about it.  She told me how she could hear the color in my voice whenever I talked about modeling and encouraged me to make time for and pursue my childhood dream.  It’s been amazing how Lisa’s encouragement has helped me move forward these last few months, not just with modeling, but life in general.  With her help, I’ve made incredible progress in trusting my instincts, living with confidence and actively pursuing my dreams.  I live with greater clarity and direction.

Here’s some of my favorite shots from some recent photo shoots… more to come!

Photo care of Robert Parker

Photo care of Chris Blackburn

Photo care of Chris Blackburn

Photo care of Justin Hackworth

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 9:55 pm | Comments (0)