Way to go Judy Jackie Glass, who recently told O.J. Simpson that he wasn’t above the law! She sent a very clear message saying, “When I tell you Mr. Simpson there are conditions and there are rules. Anything like this happens in the future …you’ll be back locked up in Clark County Detention Center.”
On average, abused women are returning to their abuser seven times before leaving them for good. Why is this happening? Many will say because the victim will not stand up for herself, or on a subconscious level, she likes being a victim.
The truth is that her community is failing her. Many of these women are ending up homeless on the street, or having their abuser take her children from her, or have extreme religious, social and money pressures to go back and make it work. These women don’t have a safety net they can rely on, little opportunity to earn enough to support her family, and little or no training on how to stand on her own.
Until society stops brushing her off to the side, blaming her and becoming a community where she and her family can find redemption, the spiraling social problems that come from this will continue.
Being a victim of domestic violence, and having suffered thirteen years of fear, violence and anguish, you can image I was skeptical the first time a man told me he had been a victim of domestic violence also. I thought it was a sick joke, a way of making fun of my pain. The more the fellow insisted that he understood how I felt, the more I suspected he was giving me a pickup line. It wasn’t until he showed me the scars on his bald head that I believed him.
He informed me that his ex-wife had thrown pots and pans at him, dug her fingernails in his scalp until he bled and screamed at him continuously. He didn’t know what to do. He was a big strong guy who did not believe in hitting a woman. He felt trapped by her episodes.
In Concord, New Hampshire, 35 percent of domestic assault arrests are of women (1). Some stats suggest that gay, bi, and trans men experience domestic violence close to the same rate as heterosexual women, one in four. The man I met had fallen prey to the black-widow syndrome. This is where a woman who has been abused by men decides she’s had enough of being treated poorly and all men must pay. Often these women will search for their target in the “nice” man who would never strike a woman back. At the start of the relationship she is very kind and sweet, thus luring the man in, but once there is security the nightmare begins.
For the rest of the article: www.thefatherlife.com/articles/2007/38/
Despite myself I find the O.J. Simpson court hearing fascinating. It’s amazing to watch O.J. try to act so cool and relaxed. Even when things are looking bleak, he’s resorting to his old charm that has worked so well in the past. It will be interesting to see if it will work for him this time. I’d love to hear what you think. Do you have the same fascination watching a man that seems almost to be in the land of the living dead? Are you annoyed that it is on TV? Do you want to see justice served as a message to all those who act above the law? Or do you want to give him a break?
Provoked is an awesome movie that shows the complexities of domestic violence. It’s about a Punjabi housewife in London who suffers under her husband’s brutality for years and what the affects of violence are upon her. The movie also shows how a Guerilla Fighter, in this case a South Asian social worker, can have a dramatic effect not only for Kiranjit Ahluwaltia, the main character’s life, but also affecting the law and many other victims’ lives after that. This moving story is based on a true story. What surprised me, but shouldn’t, was how much this story resembled my own even though I am from a very different ethnic group, social status, and life situation. It goes to show that abuse, is abuse, is abuse. Watch Provoked and see an interesting insight into domestic violence.
10 Red Flags of an Unhealthy Relationship
According to a 2005 Department of Justice survey, more than 2 million Americans were victimized by someone they know (National Crimes of Violence Survey, http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/cvus05.pdf). Learning to detect relationship red flags and respond healthily is a valuable skill that can help empower people and give them more knowledge to proceed in relationships.
Identifying red flags requires that you know what signs to look for and what they could mean to a relationship. “One of the best ways to know if a behavior is a problem is to trust your instincts and to learn about abusive techniques,” says Dr. Kevin Skinner, Ph.D., president of Growth Climate. The following red flags are common traits of an unhealthy relationship:
1. Blamer — Takes No Responsibility — An individual who makes his or her problems out to always be someone else’s fault and consistently portrays him or herself as the victim should be considered a possible source of trouble.
2. Isolation — A lot of abusers like to keep their victims isolated from outside influences and resources.
3. Jealousy — Abusers often accuse their victim of not being faithful. Some will even become upset if the victim talk to his or her friends or family too much.
4. Toot Their Own Horn — These types of people look for opportunities to let their importance be known. They consider themselves “one-of-a-kind,” more special or better than others.
5. Put Others on the Defensive — When an abuser feels threatened, a favorite tool of defense is a distracting or overbearing response, such as becoming hypercritical, sarcastic, angry and/or silent.
For the rest of the article www.redemptivecommunity.com/site/?page_id=122
Excerpt from Silent Cries: A Woman’s Journey to Freedom
In the afternoon, as the quiet of the old house wrapped around her, she thought she would do the assignment that Judy had requested. Make a list of the problems she had with Brad. Once she got started it began to flow from her pen.
Controlling—I’ve never known how much money we have. I can’t do anything without his permission. I can’t even choose what kind of milk to buy.
I recently read an letter to a blog post commenting about the last straw.
I had this to say:
I agree with Evana about the need for community support. I had six children under the age of eleven when I fled and went into hiding. If I didn’t have the community support I wouldn’t have been able to get out alive. This is one of the reasons I am so committed to teaching other women how to develop their personal community of support. I fictionalized my own personal story in the novel Silent Cries: A Woman’s Journey to Freedom.
One cannot watch the news reports on O.J. Simpson without seeing similarities between him and the abuser profile. The biggest blaring characteristic would be his sense of entitlement. His actions scream that he thinks he can get away with— anything—consequence free. The reason being, “It’s not his fault.” If he wants his watch back, don’t worry about getting it legally, bust down a door, bring a gun, yell and threaten with tons of profanity and get what you want.
I recently read Greg Haller’s letter to the editor in the Oct. 2 issue of “NewsandTribune.com.” Great insight. As a victim of domestic violence I know that the stress, fear and dread of that experience. It led to the breakdown of my health. The real insidiousness of abuse can’t be measured. For example, how did my fear and poor health affect my children despite the fact I made every effort to be present for them? What are the long-term effects on the rising generation?
*Become educated on the complexity of abuse. The more people understand abuse and what it’s like for victims the more prepared to identify, prevent and avoid harm they are. Read novels like Silent Cries: A Woman’s Journey to Freedom written by a survivor that delves into the psyche of the abused person. This gives insight into the victim and their obstacles.
*Teach victims to develop a personal support system. When a victim has a team behind them they are more likely to succeed. (Visit www.redemptivecommunity.com for more information.)
*Become a supportive ally for victims.
*Send messages to the abuser that they are of worth, but their abusive behaviors are unacceptable.
The only way I got out of my situation was through community involvement. There are many others who can be saved. We must become educated and take steps to prevent more statistics.
