5 Keys to A Close Relationship With Your Children  Key 1: Keep a Positive Attitude  Children are always trying to assign meaning to what is happening around them. If you stay positive, your child will pick up on your attitude. The alternative is to become negative and bitter. Your children won’t like being around you if you’re always complaining or putting down the other parent. 

Key 2: Be Open and Honest with Your Child  Many people fear that they will inadvertently give their child too much information. However, if one spouse is accusing, belittling, or creating false stories, children need to know the truth. Many people become defensive when they hear things that their ex-spouse is saying about them. The defensive posture leads children and others to assume you really are guilty. Therefore, it is always a good idea to gather as much information as you can and openly admit mistakes you made. However, you should not allow misperceptions to go unchecked. This does not mean that you call your ex-spouse a liar—you simply relay the facts in a calm, non-accusatory fashion.  Hint: One technique I use, since I am not legally allowed to discuss with my children past issues concerning my ex, is to ask them questions about what they know. This helps them sort out the answers for themselves. When people come up with an answer themselves, it has a much more powerful effect.

Posted in: Self Improvement, Uncategorized at 8:45 am | Comments (0)

On the day of my wedding, the howling wind woke me hours before the alarm. My sleep had been restless. Kicking the blanket off, I rose to catch a glimpse of the dark sky. Taking a deep breath, I parted my drapes to admire the last sparkle of stars before the sunlight disguised them from view.

That day I was taking steps in my life’s journey that would permanently change my future. Dramatic changes were before me, and I could hardly wait to start.

Unlike many, I was not nervous on my wedding day. I had no need to be. I was marrying a man who loved me so much he couldn’t hide his desire to make me his wife. We had met at a dance a mere two and a half months earlier and fell instantly in love. We just clicked. It felt as if I had gone home, which I thought at the time was a good thing. When he proposed, I was surprised that it came so soon, but knew from his pleading eyes that to say, “No,” would crush him. I couldn’t do that to him. As I hesitated, he described what our future would be like. We would develop our art, have beautiful children who would love us, and we would be happy. I believed him. Like most people, the thought that we would divorce never crossed my mind. Our love was strong, our commitment firm. Nothing would come between us.

The statistics that one out of every two couples divorce never penetrated my thoughts that early May morning as I looked out the window at the sky, thinking about my upcoming wedding. Yet thirteen years later, I received the much anticipated phone call from my lawyer. “Congratulations, you’re officially divorced.”

After hanging up the phone, I wondered, “Now what?” What do I do since my dream has been shattered into a million pieces? How was I going to go on? What would it to take put one foot in front of the other? How would I glue myself back together so I could dream, smile, laugh, and embrace life? It seemed, at the beginning, impossible to be happy again, to feel alive, and okay.

How would I glue myself back together so I could dream, smile, laugh, and embrace life?

I’d love to hear how other were able to heal.

Posted in: Uncategorized at 11:59 pm | Comments (4)

As readers know by now, I love to post information about alternative methods of healing. Today, I’m sharing something wonderful, which costs nothing and is one of the safest and fastest growing healing techniques in the world today. It is called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). Click here for more detailed information and a link for downloading instructions.To quote from the website:

“…EFT is basically the process of “psychological acupressure” developed by Gary Craig. EFT is based on the same energy meridians used in traditional acupuncture to treat emotional and physical ailments — but now, you don’t need the needles!

“Instead, tapping with the fingertips on specific meridians on the head and chest, along with voicing positive affirmations, helps to clear out emotional blockages from your system, thus restoring your mind and body’s balance. I’m sure you realize that emotional health is absolutely essential to your physical health and healing — the two are inseparably linked…”

The following video explains further. Please feel free to share far and wide.

Posted by Anne Bradshaw  www.annebradshaw.blogspot.com

Posted in: Self Improvement, Uncategorized at 7:05 pm | Comments (1)

Being a victim of domestic violence, and having suffered thirteen years of fear, violence and anguish, you can image I was skeptical the first time a man told me he had been a victim of domestic violence also. I thought it was a sick joke, a way of making fun of my pain. The more the fellow insisted that he understood how I felt, the more I suspected he was giving me a pickup line. It wasn’t until he showed me the scars on his bald head that I believed him.
 

He informed me that his ex-wife had thrown pots and pans at him, dug her fingernails in his scalp until he bled and screamed at him continuously. He didn’t know what to do. He was a big strong guy who did not believe in hitting a woman. He felt trapped by her episodes.

In Concord, New Hampshire, 35 percent of domestic assault arrests are of women (1). Some stats suggest that gay, bi, and trans men experience domestic violence close to the same rate as heterosexual women, one in four. The man I met had fallen prey to the black-widow syndrome. This is where a woman who has been abused by men decides she’s had enough of being treated poorly and all men must pay. Often these women will search for their target in the “nice” man who would never strike a woman back. At the start of the relationship she is very kind and sweet, thus luring the man in, but once there is security the nightmare begins.

For the rest of the article: www.thefatherlife.com/articles/2007/38/

Posted in: Self Improvement, Uncategorized at 9:04 am | Comments (4)

Happy Turkey Day!  I just finished having turkey with my family, kids, and ex.  The first few years I had my ex with us I received a lot of criticism from some and praise with from others.  What do you think about sharing holidays with ex’s?  Do you forgive the past for the children’s sake or do you keep your distance?

Posted in: Uncategorized at 2:03 pm | Comments (3)

#6. Self-worth comes when a person is able to identify people who are healthy and people who are not.                                                                   

#7. Self-worth comes when a person is able to detach and let go of the pain from their past. It requires them to learn more about their emotions. They learn they can heal even if the other person never says, “I’m sorry.”                  #8. Self-worth comes from doing things people enjoy. It is necessary to fill the bucket. If a person is always giving, they will eventually get burned out. It is important to do something for self.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               #9. Self-worth comes when a person learns that others cannot give them their worth. They have it within themselves. As children, people learn to place value upon themselves when others (parents) give it to them. If that didn’t occur, they seek it from friends or others. If people don’t get it there, they either give up or keep their relationships at a distance. Only when they learn that they are of worth and that others cannot give it to them do they realize that they have had the feeling of worth within themselves the whole time.                                                                                              

 #10. Self-worth increases when a person gets rid of their demons from the past. They can try and ignore them and hide them, but until they deal with the hurts and pains of the past, they are likely to have chinks in their self-worth armor. They need to deal with beliefs from their past. (Excerpt from Stop Marrying Mistakes: Using Principles to Claim A Healthy Relationship)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Are there anything else that you have considered helpful?

Posted in: Self Improvement, Uncategorized at 6:08 am | Comments (0)

1) A lack of attachment to parental figures. People with these feelings will say something like: “My parents didn’t support or encourage me. In fact, they made me feel like I wasn’t good enough.”

2) Bad experiences with authority figures like teachers, priests, etc. Usually the person was told, or the impression was given, that the person wouldn’t amount to much.

3) Abuse, both in childhood and/or as adults.

4) An overwhelming feeling that they’re not important. Many people describe a sense of loneliness by saying that nobody cares. They often follow that statement with, “So why should I care about myself?”

5) These people made mistakes in their past and are afraid of being rejected in the present. They believe they have done so many things wrong that no one could ever possibly want to be with them.

 (Excerpt from Stop Marrying Mistakes: Using Principles to Claim a Healthy Relationship www.stopmarryingmistakes.com.)

Posted in: Uncategorized at 6:37 am | Comments (0)

 #1. Self-worth comes from being productive. People’s energy increases when they are doing positive things.                                                                 

 #2. Self-worth increases when a person is helping others.                                                                                                                                          

  #3. Self-worth comes when a person learns to be emotionally true and honest. They stop allowing others to hurt them. In other words, they take control of their life. It is valuing of self to not rely on others to feel valued.                                                                                                                              #4. Self-worth increases when a person is in an environment that doesn’t bring them down. No matter how good a person is they need positive feedback. If they cannot find that in their current environment, they need to seek places of refuge. They need to find someone who values them and who they can value.  

#5. Self-worth comes from creating relationships, being pro-active and involved with others. This increases people’s ability to realize that they are of worth.   (Excerpt from Stop Marrying Mistakes: Using Principles to Claim  A Healthy Relationship)

There are more to the list which I will post later, but I would love to hear what others think is important to add to the list.  I am sure that I missed some.

Posted in: Uncategorized at 1:54 pm | Comments (0)

Provoked is an awesome movie that shows the complexities of domestic violence.  It’s about a Punjabi housewife in London who suffers under her husband’s brutality for years and what the affects of violence are upon her.  The movie also shows how a Guerilla Fighter, in this case a South Asian social worker, can have a dramatic effect not only for Kiranjit Ahluwaltia, the main character’s life, but also affecting the law and many other victims’ lives after that.  This moving story is based on a true story. What surprised me, but shouldn’t, was how much this story resembled my own even though I am from a very different ethnic group, social status, and life situation.  It goes to show that abuse, is abuse, is abuse.  Watch Provoked and see an interesting insight into domestic violence.

Posted in: Self Improvement, Uncategorized at 7:34 pm | Comments (0)

10 Red Flags of an Unhealthy Relationship

According to a 2005 Department of Justice survey, more than 2 million Americans were victimized by someone they know (National Crimes of Violence Survey, http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/cvus05.pdf). Learning to detect relationship red flags and respond healthily is a valuable skill that can help empower people and give them more knowledge to proceed in relationships.  

Identifying red flags requires that you know what signs to look for and what they could mean to a relationship. “One of the best ways to know if a behavior is a problem is to trust your instincts and to learn about abusive techniques,” says Dr. Kevin Skinner, Ph.D., president of Growth Climate. The following red flags are common traits of an unhealthy relationship:

1. Blamer — Takes No Responsibility — An individual who makes his or her problems out to always be someone else’s fault and consistently portrays him or herself as the victim should be considered a possible source of trouble.

2. Isolation — A lot of abusers like to keep their victims isolated from outside influences and resources.

3. Jealousy — Abusers often accuse their victim of not being faithful. Some will even become upset if the victim talk to his or her friends or family too much.

4. Toot Their Own Horn — These types of people look for opportunities to let their importance be known. They consider themselves “one-of-a-kind,” more special or better than others.

5. Put Others on the Defensive — When an abuser feels threatened, a favorite tool of defense is a distracting or overbearing response, such as becoming hypercritical, sarcastic, angry and/or silent.  

For the rest of the article www.redemptivecommunity.com/site/?page_id=122

Posted in: Self Improvement, Uncategorized at 11:33 am | Comments (3)