What is a leader to do when they know the task before them could cause the group dissension and could end up costing a lot of time and hurt feelings coming to the solution?  This was the question I was faced with this week on our family tribal leadership task.  We have yet come up with the family motto and the energy on the individual quests was starting to slacken before completion.

I started out the meeting talking about leadership.  We discussed what qualities a good leader does by highlighting some of the family’s favorite leaders.  1) They have a vision of what they want to happen and they communicate it clearly. 2) They make it very clear what actions they want the group to take.  3) They create a clear picture of what will happen and what the rewards will be if they achieve their vision.  4) They make it very clear what will happen if they don’t achieve their goal.

We discussed this paragraph out of the popular Seth Godin bestselling book, Tribes:  “Great leaders create movements by empowering the tribe to communicate.  They establish the foundation for people to make connections, as opposed to commanding people to follow them.”  Teenagers got it. Create a safe place to talk.  When they discussed this, I had to smile to how fast they jumped to what the next steps they were going to take on their quests.  I told them that this was their chance to lead.  This was their chance to make a difference and if they were going to do it the key was connections.

They pointed out that out of necessity (one of the people they wanted to visit had a stroke and is still in the hospital) their original quest has changed.  That is the way leadership and making a difference works.  We have ideas, we set out to create it, and life happens.  A leader adapts, sees the opportunity in the changing circumstances, and leads.

We then came to task that could take a long time.  I announced the next activity could take three to five minutes or hours.  Either way we were going to accomplish it and it was their choice to how long it would take.  They voted for the three minutes.  I explained that we need a family motto that everyone in the family could stand behind.  When things got difficult, when there were disagreements, we would follow back on the motto.

One of my more quiet teenagers said, “We do good things.”

My husband and I looked at her in surprise not expecting something like that from her.  Insightful.  Encompassing.  Motivating.  First suggestion.

It took a matter of a few minutes for the family to agree to her simplistic brilliance.  There is genius in our family that we didn’t know we had.  I was impressed.  Now we are the jellyfish who do good things!  Watch out world.

Do you have genius in your family that you might not have originally known about?  I’d love to hear about it.

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 5:30 pm | Comments (0)

Most small business owners I coach want to earn more and work less. This is not a fairytale wish, a desire, because they are lazy, but a real longing, an aspiration to reach their potential in both their personal and professional lives.

For the business owners to start getting those results—fewer hours and more money—they must implement principles of success to an even a higher level than they currently are.

One of the most important principles is mapping out what is possible. A great story from the winter of 2009 illustrates this point. At the time, I was busily working at my home computer, buried under mountains of projects, a small heater blew in an effort to keep me warm.

An instant message clicked on, so I hastily focused on my IM manager. I was totally unprepared to see an unexpected bump into the past as I glanced at the chatter and did a double take.

Red. It was my redheaded girlfriend from church and school. How long had it been since I’d had contact with her? It’s been almost twenty years. Wow.

We quickly began chatting, and then she got to her reason for IM-ing me. “I read your Facebook postings. How can you be so happy all the time?”

Bam. I had to roll back in my office chair. I’d never seen myself that way. But from my training to be a coach I knew her question wasn’t about me, but about her.  She must be suffering to go to the effort to look me up and establish contact.

Curious about what could be bothering her, I scheduled a phone appointment. A few days later, we talked, and I found a friendly person completely overwhelmed by her husband’s brutal dismissal from a successful business and the backstabbing he suffered.

The ugliness of the situation weighed on her, causing her to have a bleak outlook for her family’s future. It was clear her husband’s lay-off weighed her down, preventing her from remembering what was possible.

“What do you want?” I asked.

After some reflection, she said, “I want him to have a job where he is valued.”

“Is that possible?” I asked.

“I don’t know. With the economy being what it is, and so many people losing their jobs—”

I interrupted her. “I think it is possible your husband can not only get another job quickly, but a higher paying one where he is valued.”

“You do?”

“Don’t you? You just told me how he was the key person in the last business, right?”

“Oh, yes. He made them so much money. They still need him. They keep calling, asking questions on how to do things.”

“So why can’t he get a better job?”

“We live in a small town.”

“So?”

“I guess he could get a better job. No, you’re right. He can.”

Using an effective coaching question, I asked, “What’s next?”

“For me to believe in the power of the possible.”

Don’t you just love that phrase—the power of the possible?

If you believed in the power of the possible, what would you believe in? What would you dare consider that could happen? With my redheaded friend, I wasn’t sure what would happen, but I did know she would be happier if she held on to the power of the possible.

Two weeks later, I heard from her again.

“I wanted to thank you,” she started off, and then got to the juicy part. “My husband got a job last week. You won’t believe this—he loves his job. They treat him well, and the best part is that he’s making more than he did in his last job.”

As soon as she shifted to how she was showing up in her own life, her whole family’s circumstances changed. What amazed me was the impact a spouse’s belief can have All she had to do was plug back in to her natural optimistic self. That was enough to energize the whole situation. Her belief in her husband was enough for him to do what he needed to get to his next professional level.

Stop right now and write down what situation in your life currently needs some energizing. Look at it and ask, “What’s possible?” Now believe in the power of the possible and get the results you want out of your life and your business.

Posted in: Business Mastery, Step It Up Living at 5:28 pm | Comments (0)

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We gathered together in the dirt pit.  It was filled with rocks, tall thorny weeds, and dust.  The chairs sat in awkward angles threatening to fall.  In fact one child did fall as the chair didn’t like the uneven ground.  I looked around at my family and could tell they didn’t much like being there, but they would endure it so they could get on with their plans that they had for the evening.

The toddler continually tried to make her escape and the almost four years old would constantly make loud noises.  I sat next to my husband at the top of the circle and I tried to gain control.  I first had my blonde teenager get out from sitting in the middle of the circle, explaining that it was important that everyone in the circle was equal and no one should be the center.  She reluctantly joined the rest of us although stating she wanted to be the center and deserved the attention.

We talked a little about gathering and how it was important.  Then I established the ruled for storytelling.  Each person was going to tell their favorite story that happened in the family.  When the person was talking no other person was to talk and everyone could say positive things or ask positive questions after the speaker was done.

I asked if anyone wanted to go first and was pleased that my blonde teenager who wanted to be in the center of attention volunteer.  Of course she choice to tell a story about what she just did with my ex-husband that excluded me, my husband and two of our children.  I knew why she was doing it and overlooked it.  My almost four year raised her hand on wanting to go next and she told the story about how she was out skating with her older brother, hit a rock, and cut her head.  She said there was lots of blood and went to the doctor and they hurt her (which meant they sewed up her cut).  This story ignited the family.  My son added to it, and I did, and then others added their part.

Everyone then willing told a story.  I was told before I did this from others who had done circle story telling that it was a great learning to have kids tell the popular family stories in their own words because then you get to experience what the events was like for them and their perspective on it.  Well, I learned that my kids remember a bunch of things that I don’t remember.  It was not so funny or positive but definitely interesting. The more they talked the more I realized the daughter who I had thought recently was so perfect wasn’t.  She started telling all these stories about how she had to go to time out for this or that or how she would do dare devil activities.

My memory started coming back.  These kids weren’t so easy to raise!  It wasn’t only one child that gave me trouble, a lot of them did.  The more they reflected the more I realized that the time out’s must of worked because they are much better behaved and that I am sooo glad they aren’t still young.

As my husband and I reflected on the experience, we realized that we were having a hard time remembering what happened the past eight years. We were having a hard time capturing the funny little stories that happens in every family.  We realized that this storytelling activity was a great beginning.  The kids at the end still talked about stories as we went on a family walk.  More memories came, and laughter, and so did a vague fog that we couldn’t remember most of the past eight years.

It wasn’t until tonight did I fully understood how important it is to remember stories and to tell them.  Stories bring bonding, memory, and can form the friendships that I yearn for my children to have.  We are going to tell more stories in our household and would love to hear about your experiences of telling stories in yours.

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 10:43 pm | Comments (0)

An important skill in any leadership is to sense what is not working and to adjust.  I have to say it didn’t take a genius to get that my kids did not like the idea of going to the storytelling festival.  Messing with their Fridays, especially when there was school events on that night, would have been shooting myself in the head.  So, being the brilliant leader I am, I decided not to do that. I did have to put some thought into determining the balance in leading a family.  Teenagers are not really interested in family bonding time.  Surprise!   Yet it is important, and will benefit them for years to come.  There is a balance between agency and honoring their free will and helping them do things that they wouldn’t do that will grow them as leaders.

I talked with my other tribal leader, my husband, than we talked with the teenagers.  I announced that I got that they really didn’t want to do the storytelling festival and told them that if we as a family didn’t do that then we needed to do something different so that we can still come together as a family.  After all that is my stake, that they have a sense of community as a family and that won’t happen unless some time is put in.  Notice I went back to our common stake and my vision.  This is always a good thing to do when things aren’t going as well as liked.

Bam.  It is amazing when they have some motivation how fast they are at problem solving.  “Mom, let’s do a picnic in the park.  Or we could play a game together as a family.”  Well, since I am not the normal type of mom, a smile came across my face because I do like to watch them squirm.  “Great on Sunday we will do both!”  They, of course, with much energy tried to talk me into doing only one, but I was strong.  “You have such a great ideas we will do both!”

Sunday came and I did our new tradition of pot roast.  This time I bought two since one wasn’t enough.  Well, with a college boy home for the weekend, two wasn’t nearly enough either.  It going to be fun buying four pot roasts next time to see if that is enough to feed the hungry vultures.  Hours later for dinner we had the kids make sandwiches and we all bundled up and walked to the park across the street in the midst of hollowing wind.

The little ones were excited to be going somewhere with whole family, but the older ones dragged themselves onward without complaint.  My husband pointed out some picnic tables that were in a grove of trees that formed a circle.  I was thrilled to be sitting in a circle that protected us from the wind and to have the chance to talk about the importance of gathering in a circle where everyone is important and equal.  We got to notice the strength it gave us.

I have to admit we had nice conversation around the table as we munched on sandwiches, grapes and strawberries.  My younger son decided hotdogs needed to be part of the food for next time.  The idea of chips, cookies, and pop got vetoed by of course their tribal leader who told them that wouldn’t support their poor health.  One of my kids managed to get his ball stuck in an underground pipe and also managed to find a dead tree that he carried across the park.

When we returned, everyone was in good mood and we actually did feel more together.  Then came the vote for the game.  My husband really didn’t like the idea that Duck, Duck, Goose won, preferring Taboo.   We were all surprised at how much fun we had playing that little kids game.  My 18 month old laughed and laughed as people carried her as they chased the other kids.

Moral of the story: when there is a lot of resistance, change the plans.  Hold firm to the vision, and try things out.  Even if it sounds lame to play Duck, Duck, Goose, you might be surprised what happens.  The important thing is to hold firm to quality family time.  Yes, that does mean the teens have to give up their phones and friends for an hour or two, but truth be known they will survive and might like mine did forget the time and actually enjoy it.

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 8:15 am | Comments (3)

Okay, it was bound to happen.  I knew the risk with having a large family and so many strong willed kids, things were going to eventually blow up in my face.  I am just lucky I made it to week three before it happened.  This is part of the risk to not be on a television show where we get to edit what happens and somehow force the happy ending.

My number one enemy to my tribal family leadership quest was not the fact I have five teenagers or the fact that one just left the house for college earlier in the week and people are still sad about it.  Or is it the fact that I have an over active toddler that almost always makes it impossible to hear what is going on in our meetings.  Nor is it the fact that I am not that great with teenagers, which I am sure doesn’t help matters.  Nor is it my lack of domestic skills.  Nor my kids’ natural and very real resistance to want to do anything Mom thinks up or that takes them away from their friends.  Nope.  All these are very good reasons that might make this pursuit blow up in my face but this week that wasn’t it.  It was time.

I think the lack of time is public enemy number one to family togetherness.  I have been fighting it for years.  I try really hard to limit the outside activities so that we can have a more relaxed lifestyle.  Each of my children can only do two sports a year which they think is ridiculous and anything else they want to add to their plate I have one rule—you walk to it.

Despite my resistance to sign them up for every little activity and my downright refusal to be Taxi Mom, I still engage in ongoing battle to capture some time I can have with my children.  This time my kids were with their dad over the weekend.  When they got back, I got exactly one half an hour before they had to be at church fireside.  I rolled up my sleeves.  We were going to do that meeting.

The kids protested.  We couldn’t do it the next day it being a birthday and the focus had to be on split the child and our love her between me and her father.  The next night activities took my kids all over the place.  Getting up earlier not much of an option since we already get up at 5:45 am and none of us, including myself, want to get up a second earlier.  So that left twenty minutes to name our tribe.

After having to make executive decision against deer dropping, we, the tribal leaders, my husband and myself, overruled rats, which the kids were sure anxious to want to become.  Does something smell like they don’t want to do this?  So the final vote was between: sparrows, wolves, penguin, trout, and jellyfish. Yes, you guessed it, jellyfish won.  Now my husband and I are going to do some research and find out if there are any team-like qualities to jellyfish.  If not, I will have to overrule and bride them with ice cream to be something more symbolic of what I want them to become.  You’d be amazed how a good bribe can change teens around. (Secret: teenagers always want something.)

So what I have I learned from all this?  Time is the enemy.   I would say that I am kidding but I really not.  No, what I learned if you try to cram a meeting in with teenagers who want to be somewhere else it doesn’t work very well.  Maybe I should have kept them up later tonight and done the meeting without the little ones and say no to their tradition of going on a Sunday evening walk with their friends.  I am sure they would have been happy about that.

I also know that I need to do some more work on helping my kids catch the vision of this.  So far it has been a hard sell, but you know what they say, anything worthwhile doesn’t come easy.  And if you can’t get your kids to do things willingly at least you can force them to do it while you they are still living with you. J I am just hoping that my efforts to making my family more supportive of each other is one of those things that they will thank me for and not go spend their hard earned dollar talking to a therapist about how their mom damaged them later in their life.   Either way for now I am the crazy mom who has kids who want to be jellyfish!

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 7:52 pm | Comments (0)

Okay so my family now had a week to think about what we could do to make our family even better.  The great thing about working with groups whether in business or family, you never know what they are going to throw you.  So my family thought and thought and thought.  They were totally pleased with what they came up with.  You will never guess …..FOOD!

Yep.  Silly me.  I should have seen that coming.  Isn’t it food that makes the world go round?  They want Mom, (um me) to make a nice Sunday dinner every Sunday.  They also want to go out once a month and do picnic in the mountains with lots of good food.  I thought about it.  Cooking EVERY Sunday wouldn’t kill me, especially if it creates more of a tribal feel to the family.  It makes sense.  Food is how to win a man’s heart.  (Isn’t that right, dear?  Remember that great salad I made you when we were dating and the pound hamburger I made you this week to get out the dog house?)  So why wouldn’t food win the family’s heart.  That is something that if it tastes good even the teenagers won’t pass by even though there might be some eye rolling.

After hearing the verdict, this past Sunday I threw a seasoned roast into the crock pot.  Everyone after church gathered anxiously around it and that’s when I threw in my surprise about how we were going to make the family more of a tribe.  I had conditions to eating the food.  1)  If you want to eat any of it, you need to eat the meal with the family.  I know this is an archaic concept, but we were going to have an actual family meal together.  2) When we eat this meal, each person has to say two nice things about the person that they sat next to and no changing seats.  Granted some of my teenagers were wishing they sat in a different place, but the lure of having ice cream at the end of the meal was enough for them to choke out some nice words about their sibling.

It worked brilliantly.  The roast was devoured.  There were requests from most to have it be roast every Sunday.  Nice things were choked out of the kids’ mouths about their siblings.  Everyone, it would seem, was in good spirits.  (I think it was my great cooking.  J)

We did launch into talking about what animal our family could identify with.  There were suggestions like deer droppings, whales, eagles and jaguar.  Personally I am voting for the jaguar.  Can you image being identified as deer droppings?  I might have to veto that despite the fact I am trying not to be authoritative on this.  That is kind of pushing it.

We run out of time to vote since my older son was leaving for college that day and we were doing a little farewell event for him.  So the mystery of what kind of animal our family will be will be answered next week along with more of journey to become a tribe.  I’ve been talking to some people and have some cool ideas.  Let’s see how it unfolds whether it will be the beautiful supportive community I dream of creating or whether it will totally blow up in my face.

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 10:18 pm | Comments (2)

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For the past couple of months, I have been spending a lot of time making a movie to help people with their health and their weight.  It is a massive crisis in the United States every third person is struggling with it.  This issue is a problem that I am dealing with in my family.  I have been actively stepping it up (flying clear across the country twice, plus hours and hours and oh, yeah, hours of work) to make this project come together.

The project is at a point where I have given all I can at the moment.  I have been regrouping and recovering from exhaustion which is always dangerous for me. The moment that I am completely rested ideas come from me like a bursting well.  Since I am the Step It Up Queen, I don’t just sit there with the idea either.  My family has learned to hate the phrase coming from my mouth, “I have an idea.”

But, I am excited and nervous about my new idea.  I want to assist in transforming my family to all of us actively coming together in an even closer way where the sense of community is strong and still balancing the uniqueness of the individual.  I also want my kids to develop their leadership skills to a much higher level.  Their are capable of so much more than what they are currently doing although they are doing wonderful things.  How am I going to spearhead this?  I have no idea other than with as many teenagers that I have I can’t do anything that would come across as force.

So here is my stake for this new quest:  I am claiming my family as a powerful tribe and I am empowering them to be masterful leaders NOW.

Yes.  Sounds good?  Well to me it does.  When I talked to my friend today about what I wanted to do, she said, “Wow.  That is quite the challenge.  Very few things are more difficult than to try to change the dynamic of family.”  Well, that just raised the stake.  The scary thing about that is I think she is right, but I am always up for a good challenge.

So my family looked at me with furrowed brows asking, “What do you want to do Mom?”

I gulped.  Told them I had this vision.

They fussed and complain.  (Good start, hun?)

I decided to call a family meeting and kick things off.

Objective Goal: Create a big picture of my vision and hope to create buy in by the whole family.

What I did: I told them how I got the idea.

One of the things about being a mom is sometimes you get impressions or ideas about what is good for your family.  As I was flying back into town last night, I had the strong feeling that we are doing good as a family but we could do better.  We could become closer as a family.  Become a stronger community.  We are really good about going about our own lives and some of us have relationships with each other but we don’t have a strong family unit where we are really strong together.  I want us to improve that.

“What does that mean?” was their response.

“It’s a two part program I said.  One where we come up with ritual and ways to be stronger family and the second we each individually go on a leadership quest.”

“What’s that?”

Leadership Quest for My Household

1-It has to be a project that they don’t know how to do.

2-It has to have measureable results.

3-They have to lead someone.

4-It has to be something they are excited about and benefits others.

5-They have to be the leaders and spearhead it.  (They can’t have what they do with the church serve count.)

The kids hadn’t erupted in revolt yet so I thought this would be a great idea to brainstorm what that could look like.  Before I did that I reassured them that it had to be their idea, it needed to fit their life purpose (which we discussed what that meant) and that they needed to meet one major milestone by October 10^th of this year.

We kicked it off with the three year old.  (I thought that my one and half year old might be too young, but if anyone has an idea on how she can lead I am all ears.)

3 years old project—call her friends and have them come over and bake cookies.  They will eat some for themselves.  (The three year was very insistent on that.  )  Then they will take a plate of cookies to the local Senior Center.

After hearing that the ideas started coming and each of my kids committed to a project and so did my husband.  Here goes:

11 year old boy wants to take a group of 3-4 years to the park.  Teach the kids a small lesson on the importance of keeping things clean and then have the kids collect trash.

12 and 15 year old decided to join forces and they are going to make four cakes and take them to local widows or senior citizens and visit with them for at least twenty minutes to brighten up their days.

14 year old wants to launch a book donation program perhaps for the people in Columbia.

18 wants to launch a program that helps empower young men to learn the skills be powerful missionaries in his church.

My husband has decided to launch his own real estate brokerage.  (I am thrilled!!!!!  He is gulping as some nerves rise up.  It has a been a long time dream.  Yeah!)

And me—orchestrating this whole thing.  Launching leaders out into the world.  I am now thinking, planning, and researching how can I do this and empower all my brave leaders to succeed.

It is the land of unknown.  So my search right now is looking for rituals and things I can do that would unify a family.  I am sure that there is some real cool things that Native Americans have and maybe other traditions.  I know nothing about them but I welcome any information and ideas.  Let the quest for Tribal Family Leadership begin!

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 10:15 pm | Comments (0)

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How can you tell if instead of Stepping It Up™ into a fulfilling, enriching life you have taken on too much and hit the common ailment of feeling overwhelmed? Symptoms of being overwhelmed can be physical (nail biting, clumsiness, neck ache); psychological (forgetfulness, rudeness, defensiveness); social (poor hygiene, inadequate boundaries); or spiritual (loss of sense of purpose, unsure of what’s important).

Issues that trigger overwhelm are just as individual: a deadline, a certain tone of voice, change, change in circumstances.

Noticing these symptoms and triggers is like setting off the two-minute warning buzzer—giving you time to implement your proven intervention techniques.

The Strategies

Write down all the nurturing things you can think of to do when overwhelm begins to visit. They’ll help you reconnect with yourself, to re-collect and re-focus your energy inside. Keep a copy with you and one at home. When you begin to notice your particular symptoms and/or triggers, use the list to remind yourself of things that have worked in the past. Here are just a few suggestions. Be as creative as you want.

Breathe. Remember the breath’s metaphor: Let in; let go.
Wrap up in a blanket. Cuddle.
Dance alone, with or without music. Let your body lead the way.
Listen to violin, cello or piano music. Let the music elicit tears.
Light a candle. Maybe it’s one small candle at your work desk or lots of candles around your house.
Watch a funny video. Laughter has a positive effect on brain chemistry.
Ask for help. It’s a gift that allows others the opportunity to give.
Go for a walk. Exercise increases adrenaline and endorphins, the body’s natural antidepressants.
Lie on the grass outside. Connect with the earth’s regenerating powers.
Go to your room—or your car—and sing to yourself. Or hum quietly as you work.
Practices

A practice of any kind can keep you tethered to yourself in those times when overwhelm wants to scatter your energy to the wind. Regularly repeated, these practices are best cultivated in times when things are going well so that they are there to sustain you when you get overwhelmed. Some examples:

Say a small prayer, read a meditation book or holy book or recite a poem each morning to greet the day.
Walk the dog while whispering all the things for which you forgive yourself.
Write in a journal as fast as you can for 15 minutes first thing in the morning without editing or judging. Pour it all out on paper.
Do the “Salute to the Sun” yoga postures every morning after arising.
Things to do today:

Inhale
Exhale
Inhale
Exhale
Inhale
Exhale
Life can put a lot of demands on you and it is up to you to Step It Up™ and make sure that you claim more out of life than stress and an ever growing “to do” list. If you are finding it difficult to implement a regular practice of self-care or that overwhelm has become too much feel free to write Lisa@StepItUpQueen.com for additional support.

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 11:04 pm | Comments (0)

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Are you tired? Worn-out? Or just don’t feel like stepping it up? The problem may be that you have confused perfectionism with stepping up for your life purpose and living that life fully.

Many people pursue perfection in particular areas in their lives. Perfectionism is a long, maddening drive down a never-ending road for flawlessness; it provides no rest stops for mistakes, personal limitations or the changing of minds.

Perfectionism can cause feelings of anxiety, fear, and self-doubt; it can cripple self-esteem, stifle creativity, and put a stumbling block in the way of intimate friendships and love relationships. Ultimately, it can create or aggravate illnesses such as eating disorders, manic-depressive mood disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and substance abuse.

Perfectionists are those who take accountability, responsibility, and self-discipline to an excess where the joy of doing a job well is zapped away. If you are constantly sloppy in your work, don’t do what you say, and rarely do your best work then perfectionism is not your problem. If you have self-discipline, do a job well, and can be happy with what you are able to accomplish then you too are not guilty of perfectionism. But if you drive yourself and those around you crazy because you can’t satisfy your own standards then there is a problem.

Complete this questionnaire to discover how perfectionistic you are.

• I never do anything halfway; it’s all or nothing for me. Every time.
• People who do things halfway make me angry or disgust me.
• I believe there’s a certain way to do things and they should always be done that way.
• I get angry when I make mistakes. I hate to make them and can hardly forgive myself.
• I often procrastinate on starting projects. I seldom meet deadlines. Or if I do, I kill myself meeting them.
• I feel humiliated when things aren’t perfect.
• I don’t like to admit not knowing how to do something or to being a beginner. If I can’t do something well, I won’t do it.
• People say I expect too much of myself. Or of them.
• In my family, you could never completely measure up to expectations.
• I’m hard on myself when I lose, even if it’s only a friendly game or contest.
• I often withdraw from others and from group activities.
• I don’t think work should be fun or pleasurable.
• Even when I accomplish something, I feel let down or empty.
• I criticize myself and others excessively.
• No matter how much I have done, there’s always more I could do.
• I don’t delegate often and when I do, I always double-check to make sure the job is done right.
• I believe it is possible to do something perfectly and if I keep at it, I can do it perfectly.
• Forgetting and forgiving is not something I do easily or well.

The more yes answers, the more likely it is that you have perfectionist tendencies.

There is a difference between excellence and perfection. Striving to be really good is excellence; trying to be flawless is perfectionism. If you’re concerned about your perfectionist behavior, don’t hesitate to contact me at www.StepItUpQueen.com and learn how to live a more peaceful life.

© Step It Up Queen, LLC

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 9:06 pm | Comments (2)

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To truly live a Step It Up™ life a person needs to be in alignment with their values. Only when a person is living and making decisions from a place of honoring their values will they experience true fulfillment.

Fulfillment in life is related to how well you are living in alignment with your values. Values are not morals or principles. They are the essence of who you are—not who you think you should be. For instance, money is not a value, whereas the things that money might buy, such as free time, risk-taking, and being of service are values. When you’re aligned with your values, you feel inner harmony, your choices are more easily made, and your actions are in accord with your true self. Take this quiz to see how well you are living in sync with your values.

1. I have spent time clarifying my values and can easily articulate them.
2. My values are my own. I have not simply adopted them from parents, teachers or other outside influences.
3. I based my choice of occupation on my deepest values.
4. My values are in alignment with the company I work for (or own).
5. My business associates and I regularly examine how we are living up to our values and mission.
6. I turn down money-making or status-building opportunities when they conflict with my values.
7. In resolving disputes at work, I look beneath the apparent problem to see if values are being dishonored, and then I seek ways to honor them.
8. Anyone looking at my life from the outside would see what I value.
9. I use my values as a guidepost for making decisions. I ask if a particular choice would bring me closer to—or further from—a core value.
10. When I feel upset, it’s almost always because my values are being trampled—either by me, someone else, or the situation.
11. I am not easily swayed by others’ opinions when they conflict with my values.
12. To remain open and flexible, I am willing to re-examine my values to determine whether something is still true for me.
13. I find creative ways to honor all of my values—even when they conflict with one another.
14. My work values are in harmony with my personal and relationship values.
15. When I live according to my values, I feel satisfied and successful throughout my life.

If you answered false more often than true, you may wish to clarify your deepest values and bring your life into greater alignment with them. Please don’t hesitate to contact Lisa@StepItUpQueen.com if you’d like support in doing this.

Stepping It Up™ to be in sync with your values is all about Stepping It Up™ to live a happy, complete life.

Posted in: Business Mastery, Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 10:18 am | Comments (0)