Part 2: Three More Tips on Getting Through a Nasty Divorce

Wednesday, 27th August 2014

Divorce is no fun and when it turns nasty it can really drain the people who are going through it. If a person is not careful as they go through the experience, they can get caught up in being reactionary, which will not only cause them heartache and headache in the long run, but it will also hurt those people who are around them. Here are some additional tips on how to get through a nasty divorce with the least amount of scars.

  • JourneyTake time each day to get grounded and centered. Without some type of practice, such as mediation, going on walks, or other de-stressing activities, it takes hardly any time for the stress to build up and cause harmful effects to the health. Not only does the stress hurt your health, but it also will influence how you respond to the situation, which if it is reactionary the probability of it making your situation worse is highly likely.
  • Develop or tap into a strong support system. According to the research, the individuals who do the best in recovering from a divorce are not necessary the ones who have the most resilience, but those who have a strong support system.

When I was going through my divorce, I was living in a new state and didn’t know anyone. There are solutions for people like me who didn’t already have the support of being surrounded by good friends. Check out the resources of your local community. I got on a meet-up website and found a very supportive single parenting group that had fun activities not only for the singles, but I could also involve my two children. We all loved participating.

  • Take time to figure out what your part of the divorce was then learn from it and forgive yourself. Marriage takes two people, and no matter how wrong the other person was, there were things you did that contributed to the downfall. Instead of having a shame fest, look at what you did as a way to learn from your mistakes and to give yourself confidence by taking steps to ensure that you aren’t going to make the same mistakes again. The most important part of this step is to forgive yourself and to exercise compassion for being human.

Divorce can be a long rough road, but the journey will go more pleasantly if you take time to ground yourself and to release the stress you are in, surround yourself with support and to learn from your mistakes.


Set Yourself Apart from Your Competitors

Monday, 2nd June 2014

How do you set yourself apart from your competitors? This is an important marketing and business question that most business owners find themselves answering on a semi-regular basis. If your business is based on craft or a skill that you love to do not only would you be answering this question based on marketing distinction but the business owners often ask this question from the point-of-view of improving their craft or skill.

The path of mastery is an ambitious journey and one that requires dedication. In


the book Talent Is Overrated, it is explained that scientific research suggests that the more time a person puts into their craft, the more likely he/she will achieve the top mastery level. The book also suggests that one of the biggest determining factors to help you soar in mastering your craft is how often and how well you engage in practice. Not just any practice, but a different method from the average person’s performance while practicing, compared to those who achieve mastery. For the artist and the businessperson, it is important to perform “deliberate practice.” In their heavily researched findings, deliberate practice looks a very specific way.

Before we get into what it looks like, lets first define it. Deliberate practice is a way to engage in an activity that creates growth in skills that you are not strong in. That means that the person practicing is engaged in the part or parts of their craft that they are weakest. They work on it and practice it until they achieve a high level of skill. An example of this in business would be to approach a customer for a sale of your product or service. A businessperson who wants to become top in their field, and if sales happens to be part of it, would ask for the sale, practicing over and over again until they figured out what works and what doesn’t.

Here are the five components, according to Talent is Overrated, that have to be included in deliberate practice:

  1. The task is designed specifically to improve performance, often with a teacher or coach’s help
  2. Repeat the task often
  3. Feedback is given on the result in a consistent manner
  4. The activity is highly demanding mentally
  5. The actual doing of the practice isn’t much fun

If you want to set yourself apart from your competitors in the actual delivery of your craft, the only way to authentically achieve this, according to research, is through dedicating many hours practicing, using the right methods.

Going Against the Mastermind

Tuesday, 27th May 2014

wise owls

My entire mastermind group told me what I was about to do was a big mistake. Not quietly, but with adamant lectures about how I was throwing away everything that I had built up, and that if I continued down the path I had chosen, that all I would end up with at the end of it was a piece of paper and lots of wasted time and money.

I had recently been filed with divorce papers, and as I thought about that experience and what I wanted to create in the future, I declared to myself that I wasn’t going to settle in the romantic relationship department. As I looked around at the men in my life, the thought occurred to me that I might be single for a while. The next thought immediately popped into my head, “Then I am going back for my MFA in Writing.” A few hours later I started the application process.

I had wanted to get an MFA in Writing for years. It was one of my dreams, so I was completely surprised at the reaction of my mastermind group. They told me that I was selling myself short. My business was about ready to take off in a big way, and this decision was a way for me to sabotage or to hide from success.

Their reaction caused me to pause and to think. What determines sabotage? What defines following one’s dreams? What is the action of hiding versus an act of following one’s passion? Could it just be a matter of perception? How does one determine if a sacrifice is worth it?

I mumbled to my mastermind group that I was going to be a single mother now and needed a steadier job. I also needed health insurance. There just so happened to be the dean of a university in my mastermind group, and he shook his head. “You make more now and you know it. You will never be able to make as much as a teacher as you would doing coaching. If you do this you are leaving a lot of money on the table.” He let that settle before he added, “Do you have any idea how much time a master’s requires? I see so many people work around the clock, and what they end up with in the end is a piece of paper. You don’t need that paper. You could teach at colleges right now, unless you want to become a professor.”

The sad truth was that he was right. The group was right. So what did I decide to do? I am now currently in the MFA for Writing program. Why? Because it is my dream. When it boiled down to it, one question helped me to decide on whether to continue to work for the MFA or to build my business. The question wasn’t how much money I’d make because coaching fulltime would be a better choice money-wise. It wasn’t about spending the past years building a business and if I walked away how much time I would I lose. No, instead, the question that cleared my head was: When I die will it matter to me if I made it as an extremely successful business person? The answer was “No.” Then the next question: Would I regret not learning as much as I could about the craft of writing and giving that love of my mine one more chance? “YES!”

Bottom line, there are a lot of ways to look at your big decisions and where you are going in your life. If you want to make the right decisions for you, it is time to get really honest and to sort through what you value most and go for it!

Best Tool for Entrepreneurs

Monday, 29th July 2013

Best Tool for Entrepreneurs

By far the best tool for entrepreneurs is to make sure that they are stepping up to the game as their best self. How do they do this? Well, it is not easy and for some it will take a lot of baby stepping. It doesn’t have to be an overwhelming process though. No one is asking you to be perfect over night. The best way to make sure you are showing up in your best way is to figure out which thing is most getting in your way.

Like for example, a while ago I was struggling with marketing. I had a belief that I was an artist. Plus I didn’t have training in that, therefore I couldn’t do it. Marketing is one of those skills that if you are in the Internet game at all you need to learn. After I got tired of how miserably I was stepping up, I hired one of the biggest movers and shakers in the Internet marketing game.

After six months of working with him, he declared me great at writing marketing copy and good enough I never needed to hire anyone to do that for me again. Yeah.

So apply this to you. What is really tripping you up in your business? What do you need to do with your thinking to fix it? What steps do you need to take. Figure out what you need and become the best you that you can be at the problem.

Love to help you do this. Give me a call. Since you are a subscriber and one of my peeps, I am offering you a complimentary exploratory session with me!

This will not be a sales call. In the call we will be exploring: A roadmap outlining and detailing where you want to go in your business and personal life. We will also look how to get you set up so yourself up to not succeed.


Are you a wuss in business?

Thursday, 6th June 2013

Are you a wuss in business?

It’s time to separate the wusses from the real business people! Ready? Every single day how you show up in your business is revealing it to the world if you are weak or the real thing. Everyone knows the answer about you even if you don’t. It’s kind of like the Emperor’s New Clothes where you think you have clothes on but everyone sees what is really going on.

So, want to know if what they are seeing is a good sight or if it is making them cringe?

Well, its how you show up making decisions. Every business is about making decisions. If you are good at making decisions your business is going to grow. If you suck at deciding, your business is going to suck.

So how quickly and how good are the decisions you are making?
Need help. I have a great book that will really kick you out of making excuses and start being the hero in your business. Order now:
Step It Up or Get Out of the Way book

Overcoming Overwhelm and Self Sabotage

Thursday, 24th January 2013

How can you tell if instead of Stepping It Up™ into a fulfilling, enriching life you have taken on too much and hit the common ailment of feeling overwhelmed? Symptoms of being overwhelmed can be physical (nail biting, clumsiness, neck ache); psychological (forgetfulness, rudeness, defensiveness); social (poor hygiene, inadequate boundaries); or spiritual (loss of sense of purpose, unsure of what’s important).

Issues that trigger overwhelm are just as individual: a deadline, a certain tone of voice, change, change in circumstances.

Noticing these symptoms and triggers is like setting off the two-minute warning buzzer—giving you time to implement your proven intervention techniques.

The Strategies
Write down all the nurturing things you can think of to do when overwhelm begins to visit. They’ll help you reconnect with yourself, to re-collect and re-focus your energy inside. Keep a copy with you and one at home. When you begin to notice your particular symptoms and/or triggers, use the list to remind yourself of things that have worked in the past. Here are just a few suggestions. Be as creative as you want.

Breathe. Remember the breath’s metaphor: Let in; let go.

Wrap up in a blanket. Cuddle.

Dance alone, with or without music. Let your body lead the way.

Listen to violin, cello or piano music. Let the music elicit tears.

Light a candle. Maybe it’s one small candle at your work desk or lots of candles around your house.

Watch a funny video. Laughter has a positive effect on brain chemistry.

Ask for help. It’s a gift that allows others the opportunity to give.

Go for a walk. Exercise increases adrenaline and endorphins, the body’s natural antidepressants.

Lie on the grass outside. Connect with the earth’s regenerating powers.

Go to your room—or your car—and sing to yourself. Or hum quietly as you work.

A practice of any kind can keep you tethered to yourself in those times when overwhelm wants to scatter your energy to the wind. Regularly repeated, these practices are best cultivated in times when things are going well so that they are there to sustain you when you get overwhelmed. Some examples:

Say a small prayer, read a meditation book or holy book or recite a poem each morning to greet the day.

Walk the dog while whispering all the things for which you forgive yourself.

Write in a journal as fast as you can for 15 minutes first thing in the morning without editing or judging. Pour it all out on paper.

Do the “Salute to the Sun” yoga postures every morning after arising.

Things to do today:

Life can put a lot of demands on you and it is up to you to Step It Up™ and make sure that you claim more out of life than stress and an ever growing “to do” list. If you are finding it difficult to implement a regular practice of self-care or that overwhelm has become too much feel free to write for additional support.

Be the Best in 2013! Happy New Year!

Sunday, 30th December 2012

It is not always easy to take the steps to happiness, but that is what it takes to live a life of no regrets.

There is always a chance to make a difference.

Get prepared for next year.

How can an Entrepreneur Gain a Competitive Advantage and Effective Leadership in the Market

Wednesday, 26th December 2012
    Entrepreneurship: How do I go from being an idea/vision guy to an idea and execution guy?

The best way to go from an idea guy to execution is to implement some system where you are holding yourself accountable in getting things done. Make it so that you will do things because you don’t like the consequence if you don’t.

    Entrepreneurship: Is being a ”people person” a prerequisite for entrepreneurship?

The important thing to be successful in any field is to be determined. Steve Job was extremely successful in the tech field and he certainly wasn’t a people person at all but he was a driven person. The simple truth is we all have strengths and weakness and those aren’t excuses to not get what you want. If you can’t do something one way look for a solution or a way around it. There are always answers if you are determined enough.

    Entrepreneurship: Why do people NOT take action to start a business, even though they consciously want to?

Most often the reason don’t take the steps they want is they are too focus on the fear of the steps they are about to take. Many people are slow to start a business because they think about all the things that they will need to do, all the things they want to figure out before jumping in action then they get overwhelmed and freeze. What needs to be done is to take the first smallest step– do it. Then figure out what the next step is and take that one. The truth is you will never come up with what will actually happen and you will never find the answers either without taking the first smallest step first then the next.

Peak Performance Training: Step It Up and Get Results!

Wednesday, 12th December 2012

Most small business owners I coach want to earn more and work less. This is not a fairy tale wish, or a desire because they are lazy, but a real desire; an aspiration to reach their potential in both their personal and professional lives.

For the business owners to start getting those results—fewer hours and more money—they must implement principles of success to an even a higher level than they currently are.
One of the most important principles is mapping out what is possible. A great story from the winter of 2009 illustrates this point. At the time, I was busily working at my home computer, buried under mountains of projects, a small heater blew in an effort to keep me warm.

An instant message clicked on, so I hastily focused on my IM manager. I was totally unprepared to see an unexpected bump into the past as I glanced at the chatter and did a double take.
Red. It was my redheaded girlfriend from church and school. How long had it been since I’d had contact with her? It’s been almost twenty years. Wow.
We quickly began chatting, and then she got to her reason for IM-ing me. “I read your Facebook postings. How can you be so happy all the time?”
Bam. I had to roll back in my office chair. I’d never seen myself that way. But from my training to be a coach, I knew her question wasn’t about me, but about her. She must be suffering to go to the effort to look me up and establish contact.
Curious about what could be bothering her, I scheduled a phone appointment. A few days later, we talked, and I found a friendly person completely overwhelmed by her husband’s brutal dismissal from a successful business and the backstabbing he suffered.
The ugliness of the situation weighed on her, causing her to have a bleak outlook for her family’s future. It was clear her husband’s lay-off weighed her down, preventing her from remembering what was possible.
“What do you want?” I asked.
After some reflection, she said, “I want him to have a job where he is valued.”
“Is that possible?” I asked.
“I don’t know. With the economy being what it is, and so many people losing their jobs—”
I interrupted her. “I think it is possible your husband can not only get another job quickly, but a higher paying one where he is valued.”
“You do?”
“Don’t you? You just told me how he was the key person in the last business, right?”
“Oh, yes. He made them so much money. They still need him. They keep calling, asking questions on how to do things.”
“So why can’t he get a better job?”
“We live in a small town.”
“I guess he could get a better job. No, you’re right. He can.”
Using an effective coaching question, I asked, “What’s next?”
“For me to believe in the power of the possible.”
Don’t you just love that phrase—the power of the possible?
If you believed in the power of the possible, what would you believe in? What would you dare consider that could happen? With my redheaded friend, I wasn’t sure what would happen, but I did know she would be happier if she held onto the power of the possible.
Two weeks later, I heard from her again.
“I wanted to thank you,” she started off, and then got to the juicy part. “My husband got a job last week. You won’t believe this—he loves his job. They treat him well, and the best part is that he’s making more than he did in his last job.”
As soon as she shifted to how she was showing up in her own life, her whole family’s circumstances changed. What amazed me was the impact a spouse’s belief can have All she had to do was plug back in to her natural optimistic self. That was enough to energize the whole situation. Her belief in her husband was enough for him to do what he needed to in order to get to his next professional level.

Stop right now and write down what situation in your life currently needs some energizing. Look at it and ask, “What’s possible?” Now believe in the power of the possible and get the results you want out of your life and your business.

Stop Sabotaging Yourself in Your Career

Tuesday, 4th December 2012

When was the last time you felt completely drained, like you did not belong in your job? Ever ask what you were doing at the job in the first place? What if I told you it was possible to do the work you choose, and you don’t have to have that awful, overwhelming feeling again?

One of my clients in 2009 was a cute Asian girl with short, trendy hair, a black business suit, and large, sad, brown eyes. As we began to work together, I discovered a beautiful, radiant artist’s soul. She arrived in Utah from a cosmopolitan area with a history of miserable jobs in sales and a passion for the big city. Not long after moving to the middle of the Rockies, she wondered why she suffered from so many headaches, bouts of the flu and colds, and felt absolutely drained most of the time.

She quickly discovered that the job she found in Utah was not giving her enough money to meet her bills. She’d found work in what she thought was perfect for her—a young, progressive company with lots of opportunities. But it did not take long before she felt completely disconnected. The stress of being miserable at the job began to affect her health. On came the headaches and the flu. She called in sick more and more. Since her jobs were based on performance, her ability to financially put her student husband through school was seriously compromised. Eventually, after months of this high stress, her long-suffering and patient husband gave a “we can’t continue like this” talk.

Desperate, and knowing she had her living, health, and marriage on the line, she tearfully asked me what the problem was. Why was she so miserable with a job she thought she would be good at? How could she get herself into a better place? I immediately prescribed a value assessment to determine her top three to five values.

Upon taking the test, it became clear that what she was missing was not honoring one or more of her values in each of her duties. After looking at her list of values, she said, “Now I understand why I’m so miserable.” She started asking herself questions like: “If I value aesthetics so much, why am I not pursuing a career that includes them?” and, “How can I bring more of my values into my current job until I am at the right spot to change jobs?”
Over the next couple of weeks, she thought about her top values and whether her work honored them. She came to a deep understanding what that really meant to her. As a result, major shifts followed in her job, housing situation, and health.

Those few critical questions set her on a completely different path. Since then she has chosen the industry she wants to be in, has gotten training to prepare her for that path, and has made huge shifts in what she looks for in jobs that help her get by until she qualifies for the one she wants to land eventually. She’s not sick as often, and her husband has time to focus on his studies. Best of all, when she thinks about her career, she is on fire with the passion that makes her ready to take on the future.

What are your top three values? Are you honoring them in every area of your life? If not, Step It Up and Be on Fire completely, by living within your values.