Okay, it was bound to happen.  I knew the risk with having a large family and so many strong willed kids, things were going to eventually blow up in my face.  I am just lucky I made it to week three before it happened.  This is part of the risk to not be on a television show where we get to edit what happens and somehow force the happy ending.

My number one enemy to my tribal family leadership quest was not the fact I have five teenagers or the fact that one just left the house for college earlier in the week and people are still sad about it.  Or is it the fact that I have an over active toddler that almost always makes it impossible to hear what is going on in our meetings.  Nor is it the fact that I am not that great with teenagers, which I am sure doesn’t help matters.  Nor is it my lack of domestic skills.  Nor my kids’ natural and very real resistance to want to do anything Mom thinks up or that takes them away from their friends.  Nope.  All these are very good reasons that might make this pursuit blow up in my face but this week that wasn’t it.  It was time.

I think the lack of time is public enemy number one to family togetherness.  I have been fighting it for years.  I try really hard to limit the outside activities so that we can have a more relaxed lifestyle.  Each of my children can only do two sports a year which they think is ridiculous and anything else they want to add to their plate I have one rule—you walk to it.

Despite my resistance to sign them up for every little activity and my downright refusal to be Taxi Mom, I still engage in ongoing battle to capture some time I can have with my children.  This time my kids were with their dad over the weekend.  When they got back, I got exactly one half an hour before they had to be at church fireside.  I rolled up my sleeves.  We were going to do that meeting.

The kids protested.  We couldn’t do it the next day it being a birthday and the focus had to be on split the child and our love her between me and her father.  The next night activities took my kids all over the place.  Getting up earlier not much of an option since we already get up at 5:45 am and none of us, including myself, want to get up a second earlier.  So that left twenty minutes to name our tribe.

After having to make executive decision against deer dropping, we, the tribal leaders, my husband and myself, overruled rats, which the kids were sure anxious to want to become.  Does something smell like they don’t want to do this?  So the final vote was between: sparrows, wolves, penguin, trout, and jellyfish. Yes, you guessed it, jellyfish won.  Now my husband and I are going to do some research and find out if there are any team-like qualities to jellyfish.  If not, I will have to overrule and bride them with ice cream to be something more symbolic of what I want them to become.  You’d be amazed how a good bribe can change teens around. (Secret: teenagers always want something.)

So what I have I learned from all this?  Time is the enemy.   I would say that I am kidding but I really not.  No, what I learned if you try to cram a meeting in with teenagers who want to be somewhere else it doesn’t work very well.  Maybe I should have kept them up later tonight and done the meeting without the little ones and say no to their tradition of going on a Sunday evening walk with their friends.  I am sure they would have been happy about that.

I also know that I need to do some more work on helping my kids catch the vision of this.  So far it has been a hard sell, but you know what they say, anything worthwhile doesn’t come easy.  And if you can’t get your kids to do things willingly at least you can force them to do it while you they are still living with you. J I am just hoping that my efforts to making my family more supportive of each other is one of those things that they will thank me for and not go spend their hard earned dollar talking to a therapist about how their mom damaged them later in their life.   Either way for now I am the crazy mom who has kids who want to be jellyfish!

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 7:52 pm | Comments (0)

Okay so my family now had a week to think about what we could do to make our family even better.  The great thing about working with groups whether in business or family, you never know what they are going to throw you.  So my family thought and thought and thought.  They were totally pleased with what they came up with.  You will never guess …..FOOD!

Yep.  Silly me.  I should have seen that coming.  Isn’t it food that makes the world go round?  They want Mom, (um me) to make a nice Sunday dinner every Sunday.  They also want to go out once a month and do picnic in the mountains with lots of good food.  I thought about it.  Cooking EVERY Sunday wouldn’t kill me, especially if it creates more of a tribal feel to the family.  It makes sense.  Food is how to win a man’s heart.  (Isn’t that right, dear?  Remember that great salad I made you when we were dating and the pound hamburger I made you this week to get out the dog house?)  So why wouldn’t food win the family’s heart.  That is something that if it tastes good even the teenagers won’t pass by even though there might be some eye rolling.

After hearing the verdict, this past Sunday I threw a seasoned roast into the crock pot.  Everyone after church gathered anxiously around it and that’s when I threw in my surprise about how we were going to make the family more of a tribe.  I had conditions to eating the food.  1)  If you want to eat any of it, you need to eat the meal with the family.  I know this is an archaic concept, but we were going to have an actual family meal together.  2) When we eat this meal, each person has to say two nice things about the person that they sat next to and no changing seats.  Granted some of my teenagers were wishing they sat in a different place, but the lure of having ice cream at the end of the meal was enough for them to choke out some nice words about their sibling.

It worked brilliantly.  The roast was devoured.  There were requests from most to have it be roast every Sunday.  Nice things were choked out of the kids’ mouths about their siblings.  Everyone, it would seem, was in good spirits.  (I think it was my great cooking.  J)

We did launch into talking about what animal our family could identify with.  There were suggestions like deer droppings, whales, eagles and jaguar.  Personally I am voting for the jaguar.  Can you image being identified as deer droppings?  I might have to veto that despite the fact I am trying not to be authoritative on this.  That is kind of pushing it.

We run out of time to vote since my older son was leaving for college that day and we were doing a little farewell event for him.  So the mystery of what kind of animal our family will be will be answered next week along with more of journey to become a tribe.  I’ve been talking to some people and have some cool ideas.  Let’s see how it unfolds whether it will be the beautiful supportive community I dream of creating or whether it will totally blow up in my face.

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 10:18 pm | Comments (2)

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For the past couple of months, I have been spending a lot of time making a movie to help people with their health and their weight.  It is a massive crisis in the United States every third person is struggling with it.  This issue is a problem that I am dealing with in my family.  I have been actively stepping it up (flying clear across the country twice, plus hours and hours and oh, yeah, hours of work) to make this project come together.

The project is at a point where I have given all I can at the moment.  I have been regrouping and recovering from exhaustion which is always dangerous for me. The moment that I am completely rested ideas come from me like a bursting well.  Since I am the Step It Up Queen, I don’t just sit there with the idea either.  My family has learned to hate the phrase coming from my mouth, “I have an idea.”

But, I am excited and nervous about my new idea.  I want to assist in transforming my family to all of us actively coming together in an even closer way where the sense of community is strong and still balancing the uniqueness of the individual.  I also want my kids to develop their leadership skills to a much higher level.  Their are capable of so much more than what they are currently doing although they are doing wonderful things.  How am I going to spearhead this?  I have no idea other than with as many teenagers that I have I can’t do anything that would come across as force.

So here is my stake for this new quest:  I am claiming my family as a powerful tribe and I am empowering them to be masterful leaders NOW.

Yes.  Sounds good?  Well to me it does.  When I talked to my friend today about what I wanted to do, she said, “Wow.  That is quite the challenge.  Very few things are more difficult than to try to change the dynamic of family.”  Well, that just raised the stake.  The scary thing about that is I think she is right, but I am always up for a good challenge.

So my family looked at me with furrowed brows asking, “What do you want to do Mom?”

I gulped.  Told them I had this vision.

They fussed and complain.  (Good start, hun?)

I decided to call a family meeting and kick things off.

Objective Goal: Create a big picture of my vision and hope to create buy in by the whole family.

What I did: I told them how I got the idea.

One of the things about being a mom is sometimes you get impressions or ideas about what is good for your family.  As I was flying back into town last night, I had the strong feeling that we are doing good as a family but we could do better.  We could become closer as a family.  Become a stronger community.  We are really good about going about our own lives and some of us have relationships with each other but we don’t have a strong family unit where we are really strong together.  I want us to improve that.

“What does that mean?” was their response.

“It’s a two part program I said.  One where we come up with ritual and ways to be stronger family and the second we each individually go on a leadership quest.”

“What’s that?”

Leadership Quest for My Household

1-It has to be a project that they don’t know how to do.

2-It has to have measureable results.

3-They have to lead someone.

4-It has to be something they are excited about and benefits others.

5-They have to be the leaders and spearhead it.  (They can’t have what they do with the church serve count.)

The kids hadn’t erupted in revolt yet so I thought this would be a great idea to brainstorm what that could look like.  Before I did that I reassured them that it had to be their idea, it needed to fit their life purpose (which we discussed what that meant) and that they needed to meet one major milestone by October 10^th of this year.

We kicked it off with the three year old.  (I thought that my one and half year old might be too young, but if anyone has an idea on how she can lead I am all ears.)

3 years old project—call her friends and have them come over and bake cookies.  They will eat some for themselves.  (The three year was very insistent on that.  )  Then they will take a plate of cookies to the local Senior Center.

After hearing that the ideas started coming and each of my kids committed to a project and so did my husband.  Here goes:

11 year old boy wants to take a group of 3-4 years to the park.  Teach the kids a small lesson on the importance of keeping things clean and then have the kids collect trash.

12 and 15 year old decided to join forces and they are going to make four cakes and take them to local widows or senior citizens and visit with them for at least twenty minutes to brighten up their days.

14 year old wants to launch a book donation program perhaps for the people in Columbia.

18 wants to launch a program that helps empower young men to learn the skills be powerful missionaries in his church.

My husband has decided to launch his own real estate brokerage.  (I am thrilled!!!!!  He is gulping as some nerves rise up.  It has a been a long time dream.  Yeah!)

And me—orchestrating this whole thing.  Launching leaders out into the world.  I am now thinking, planning, and researching how can I do this and empower all my brave leaders to succeed.

It is the land of unknown.  So my search right now is looking for rituals and things I can do that would unify a family.  I am sure that there is some real cool things that Native Americans have and maybe other traditions.  I know nothing about them but I welcome any information and ideas.  Let the quest for Tribal Family Leadership begin!

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 10:15 pm | Comments (0)

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How can you tell if instead of Stepping It Up™ into a fulfilling, enriching life you have taken on too much and hit the common ailment of feeling overwhelmed? Symptoms of being overwhelmed can be physical (nail biting, clumsiness, neck ache); psychological (forgetfulness, rudeness, defensiveness); social (poor hygiene, inadequate boundaries); or spiritual (loss of sense of purpose, unsure of what’s important).

Issues that trigger overwhelm are just as individual: a deadline, a certain tone of voice, change, change in circumstances.

Noticing these symptoms and triggers is like setting off the two-minute warning buzzer—giving you time to implement your proven intervention techniques.

The Strategies

Write down all the nurturing things you can think of to do when overwhelm begins to visit. They’ll help you reconnect with yourself, to re-collect and re-focus your energy inside. Keep a copy with you and one at home. When you begin to notice your particular symptoms and/or triggers, use the list to remind yourself of things that have worked in the past. Here are just a few suggestions. Be as creative as you want.

Breathe. Remember the breath’s metaphor: Let in; let go.
Wrap up in a blanket. Cuddle.
Dance alone, with or without music. Let your body lead the way.
Listen to violin, cello or piano music. Let the music elicit tears.
Light a candle. Maybe it’s one small candle at your work desk or lots of candles around your house.
Watch a funny video. Laughter has a positive effect on brain chemistry.
Ask for help. It’s a gift that allows others the opportunity to give.
Go for a walk. Exercise increases adrenaline and endorphins, the body’s natural antidepressants.
Lie on the grass outside. Connect with the earth’s regenerating powers.
Go to your room—or your car—and sing to yourself. Or hum quietly as you work.
Practices

A practice of any kind can keep you tethered to yourself in those times when overwhelm wants to scatter your energy to the wind. Regularly repeated, these practices are best cultivated in times when things are going well so that they are there to sustain you when you get overwhelmed. Some examples:

Say a small prayer, read a meditation book or holy book or recite a poem each morning to greet the day.
Walk the dog while whispering all the things for which you forgive yourself.
Write in a journal as fast as you can for 15 minutes first thing in the morning without editing or judging. Pour it all out on paper.
Do the “Salute to the Sun” yoga postures every morning after arising.
Things to do today:

Inhale
Exhale
Inhale
Exhale
Inhale
Exhale
Life can put a lot of demands on you and it is up to you to Step It Up™ and make sure that you claim more out of life than stress and an ever growing “to do” list. If you are finding it difficult to implement a regular practice of self-care or that overwhelm has become too much feel free to write Lisa@StepItUpQueen.com for additional support.

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 11:04 pm | Comments (0)

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Are you tired? Worn-out? Or just don’t feel like stepping it up? The problem may be that you have confused perfectionism with stepping up for your life purpose and living that life fully.

Many people pursue perfection in particular areas in their lives. Perfectionism is a long, maddening drive down a never-ending road for flawlessness; it provides no rest stops for mistakes, personal limitations or the changing of minds.

Perfectionism can cause feelings of anxiety, fear, and self-doubt; it can cripple self-esteem, stifle creativity, and put a stumbling block in the way of intimate friendships and love relationships. Ultimately, it can create or aggravate illnesses such as eating disorders, manic-depressive mood disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and substance abuse.

Perfectionists are those who take accountability, responsibility, and self-discipline to an excess where the joy of doing a job well is zapped away. If you are constantly sloppy in your work, don’t do what you say, and rarely do your best work then perfectionism is not your problem. If you have self-discipline, do a job well, and can be happy with what you are able to accomplish then you too are not guilty of perfectionism. But if you drive yourself and those around you crazy because you can’t satisfy your own standards then there is a problem.

Complete this questionnaire to discover how perfectionistic you are.

• I never do anything halfway; it’s all or nothing for me. Every time.
• People who do things halfway make me angry or disgust me.
• I believe there’s a certain way to do things and they should always be done that way.
• I get angry when I make mistakes. I hate to make them and can hardly forgive myself.
• I often procrastinate on starting projects. I seldom meet deadlines. Or if I do, I kill myself meeting them.
• I feel humiliated when things aren’t perfect.
• I don’t like to admit not knowing how to do something or to being a beginner. If I can’t do something well, I won’t do it.
• People say I expect too much of myself. Or of them.
• In my family, you could never completely measure up to expectations.
• I’m hard on myself when I lose, even if it’s only a friendly game or contest.
• I often withdraw from others and from group activities.
• I don’t think work should be fun or pleasurable.
• Even when I accomplish something, I feel let down or empty.
• I criticize myself and others excessively.
• No matter how much I have done, there’s always more I could do.
• I don’t delegate often and when I do, I always double-check to make sure the job is done right.
• I believe it is possible to do something perfectly and if I keep at it, I can do it perfectly.
• Forgetting and forgiving is not something I do easily or well.

The more yes answers, the more likely it is that you have perfectionist tendencies.

There is a difference between excellence and perfection. Striving to be really good is excellence; trying to be flawless is perfectionism. If you’re concerned about your perfectionist behavior, don’t hesitate to contact me at www.StepItUpQueen.com and learn how to live a more peaceful life.

© Step It Up Queen, LLC

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 9:06 pm | Comments (2)

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To truly live a Step It Up™ life a person needs to be in alignment with their values. Only when a person is living and making decisions from a place of honoring their values will they experience true fulfillment.

Fulfillment in life is related to how well you are living in alignment with your values. Values are not morals or principles. They are the essence of who you are—not who you think you should be. For instance, money is not a value, whereas the things that money might buy, such as free time, risk-taking, and being of service are values. When you’re aligned with your values, you feel inner harmony, your choices are more easily made, and your actions are in accord with your true self. Take this quiz to see how well you are living in sync with your values.

1. I have spent time clarifying my values and can easily articulate them.
2. My values are my own. I have not simply adopted them from parents, teachers or other outside influences.
3. I based my choice of occupation on my deepest values.
4. My values are in alignment with the company I work for (or own).
5. My business associates and I regularly examine how we are living up to our values and mission.
6. I turn down money-making or status-building opportunities when they conflict with my values.
7. In resolving disputes at work, I look beneath the apparent problem to see if values are being dishonored, and then I seek ways to honor them.
8. Anyone looking at my life from the outside would see what I value.
9. I use my values as a guidepost for making decisions. I ask if a particular choice would bring me closer to—or further from—a core value.
10. When I feel upset, it’s almost always because my values are being trampled—either by me, someone else, or the situation.
11. I am not easily swayed by others’ opinions when they conflict with my values.
12. To remain open and flexible, I am willing to re-examine my values to determine whether something is still true for me.
13. I find creative ways to honor all of my values—even when they conflict with one another.
14. My work values are in harmony with my personal and relationship values.
15. When I live according to my values, I feel satisfied and successful throughout my life.

If you answered false more often than true, you may wish to clarify your deepest values and bring your life into greater alignment with them. Please don’t hesitate to contact Lisa@StepItUpQueen.com if you’d like support in doing this.

Stepping It Up™ to be in sync with your values is all about Stepping It Up™ to live a happy, complete life.

Posted in: Business Mastery, Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 10:18 am | Comments (0)

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All right I am on a rant.  I can’t keep quiet about this anymore.  Ever since I was yelled at in LA airport for being pregnant because that was a symbol of pro-life I have been wondering what has happened to our society.  Everywhere I go outside of Utah, I get the most shocked looks when someone finds out I am a mother of eight children.  It is such anomaly that they make a reality shows out of the mere fact you have some kids.  What is going on?  It wasn’t that long in the far past that a lot of families knew the “secret” of having a lot of children and really what that was all about, now not so much.  Now people look at the burden and sacrifice it would create to their life.  They don’t know or appreciate those children are one the greatest blessings a person could be granted with.

I was at a conference last weekend and met a lady older than me with seven kids.  We were chatting about how hard it is to wait for grandchildren to come.  I jokingly told her I was thinking about having another one to tie me over until my older kids get on the ball.  She told me she had seven children, the youngest 30 and guess how many grandkids she has?  In the olden days I would say 35, but no, she had none.  NONE!  Unbelievable.   Most her kids were putting off marriage and the others putting off having children.  One of her daughters was there and I told her, “Shame on you for putting your mom through that.”  She laughed.  I laughed.  But then I wanted to scream.

Is it hard having a large family?  Yes.  Does it require a lot of sacrifice and headaches?  Yes.  Do I sometimes wonder why I choose to have 5 teenagers all at once—of course.  So why am I so worked up?  The reason is that nothing—not success at work, not making lots of money, not being in the best shape of your life is as great as raising up productive human beings.  Nothing can be more rewarding that spending time with kids and helping form a life.  And absolutely nothing is better than holding a little one in your arms and loving them or watching them grow and become their own person.

If you are not happy right now and you are mentally and financial stable and in a great marriage I highly recommend children.  They are one the best kept secrets of happiness.  If you are overwhelmed and the kids aren’t so fun anymore, write me and I can help you get that authentic smile on your face.   Parenthood can be a blast. It really saddens me that it is a dying secret.  I am calling for a revolution—Let the joy of parenthood be picketed in front pages in the newspapers and on the talk shows.  “Have kids!”

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 12:51 pm | Comments (1)

Often times when people start getting swallowed up with being overwhelmed, their vision narrows to tunnel. They hyper-focus on the issues pressing upon them, risking the loss of perspective and the gain of amplified stress. If this condition lasts long enough, they hit burnout and languish. In other cases, people react to being overwhelmed by being underwhelmed: they shut down constructive responses and go into some form of withdrawal. When either of these—or any other self-defeating response—happens, there are options…

Option #1. Become anxious and start worrying obsessively about all the things that can go wrong. Let your imagination run wild. The worse you can project the final outcome to be, the better. With this option, common physical side-effects will be an upset stomach, headaches, and shallowness of breath. Not to mention people who choose this option become irritable, not fun to be with, even go somewhat crazy.

Option #2. Pretend nothing bad is happening. Pretend that any irritation you are having at the current situation is a momentary lapse from looking at the bright side of life. Make sure any disturbing feeling is not acknowledged, or if it is recognized, then shove it down. If you are asked how you are handling the situation, smile broadly and say, “Great.” Or play dumb, “What situation?” Then turn the tables on the person by asking, “Why are you making a big deal out of nothing?”

The risk of option 2 is that very likely your feelings will ooze out of you like a leaking radiator, and despite the good face you’re showing the world, stains will be left behind wherever you interact. People may react to or withdraw from you, adding to your tension and isolation. Not to mention that you cannot resolve problems that are not admitted, encouraging things to worsen.

Option #3. Honestly acknowledge the stress and compounding of the problems, then stop to see the beauty in the present moment. Beauty? Does that sound funny?

Posted in: Business Mastery, Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 7:00 am | Comments (0)

What to do to curb the overwhelming wave:

1. Delete all the unnecessary.
2. Delegate. I’m talking to the control freaks here. If someone else can do it, let them. No kid I’ve ever known has died from doing dishes, laundry, or making dinner.
3. Go on an information diet. Only read books and emails with information you absolutely need for your next step in goals. Cut and unsubscribe to all else.
4. Delete everything that’s not top priority. I know this is repeating number one, but it’s important. Go back through the list—which projects can survive on hold for the next week, month, or six months, or can be deleted all together?

Posted in: Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 7:00 am | Comments (0)

For most my life I have been plagued with the desire to be a master at something.  And for most of my life I have felt like a complete failure.  I used to hate it when someone would get this bright idea that it was time for a talent show.  I would do anything I could to skip right out of that event, but there were times, mostly family reunions when some over energetic aunt would think it would be so cute to have all the kids do something for the whole group.  Having been blessed with two left feet, fingers that had a mind of their own on the piano, a memory that always failed, and a voice that would sometimes hit the right note on accident, there wasn’t much to do but hide behind the other performers and hoped no one would notice.

So it came as a big surprised the other day when I realized that I had mastered something in my life.  This huge revelation came to me as I read Malcolm Gladwell’s landmark book, Outliers.  In the book he explained people like the Beatles and Bill Gates didn’t just come from nowhere.  They had lucky breaks, talent, plus a whole bunch of time to learn whatever they were gifted in.  Gladwell analyzed the facts and concluded that it takes 10,0000 hours of doing something to become quite good at it.  Now, I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a lot of hours, something that I could only dream about doing, especially with my current lifestyle.  (EIGHT KIDS!)

But then I went on a trip to California to escape the nasty cold of Utah.  While there I love meeting people and learning about different ways people live.  Okay, I admit it I also enjoy being asked how many children I have because I just love people’s expressions.  Their eyes get really large, they start choking, “Eight,” they stammer.  So I add, “That doesn’t count the step-children.  That would make it twelve.”  The next thing they say is, “but you don’t old enough.”  Which of course, I love hearing.  Then more times than not, they say, “You don’t looked stress enough.  You don’t look worn-out and don’t have bags under eyes.  You seem like you are happy.”

I had always laughed that off, but then as I thought about Gladwell’s findings of the 10,000 hours I realized that I had put more than that into childrearing.  I had started help raise my siblings since I was three.  By the time I was ten, I was often left for eight to ten hours a day to watch the other seven children.  My siblings would often call me, “Mom.”  I have put my time in big time.  I only had a year and half of my life where I wasn’t watching children so it’s no wonder that having eight kids isn’t as stressful for me as it would be for others.  (I am going to make the exception of teenagers here.  I am real good with the younger kids.  The teenager thing I don’t have the 10,000 hours and I am not sure that I want to.)

I wonder how many of us have an unseen talent or mastery in something that we don’t realize and give ourselves credit for?  I think if we looked at what others are amazed at in us we can discover our master skills.  I would love to hear what you are really good.

Posted in: Business Mastery, Self Improvement, Step It Up Living at 9:11 pm | Comments (0)