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Part 3: 3 Tips to Keep Going When You Are Stuck in a Nasty Divorce

Wednesday, 3rd September 2014

30452101Divorce can take over your life if you are not careful. We are going to explore three tips that you can use to keep your divorce from getting out of control and dominating your life.

  • Chop Down to Size. There are so many moving factors that a person going through divorce has to deal with. They have to deal with the actual divorce and work to come to terms with the other party. They have to deal with transition and with their living conditions being different. Many divorcing couples also have children to deal with and the unraveling of how their new status will affect their friendships. Plus there are always money issues and dealing with the unknown.

The best way to plow through all these issues is to take them one at a time and figure out what the basic things that you can do right now are, do those and put all the other issues on hold.

  • Secure the Foundation. No matter what stage you are in, from just finding out that you are going through a divorce, to getting close to the finish line of having the divorce complete, it is important to work on making sure that you are building a foundation that makes your life secure. One of the best ways to know what needs to be done on your foundation, is to not be dependent on the divorce going the way you want. For example, to not bank on getting money from the other person, or getting the house, etc. Have a backup plan if things don’t go the way you wish.
  • Redefine your Purpose or Upgrade your Purpose. Many people, before they start going through a divorce, have linked their identity with building a life with the person they are now divorcing. It can be unsettling to no longer have that vision. Now is the time to come up with a new vision. Often times, especially at the beginning of the divorce, the person is not in the right place for a long term purpose or vision. At those times, create a shorter purpose, for example: I will make it a pleasant time for my children when they are with me.

A great way to prevent divorce from taking over your life is to chop what you need to do down to size, secure your foundation, and redefine your purpose. When you implement these principles, you will have an easier time moving on.

Going Against the Mastermind

Tuesday, 27th May 2014

wise owls

My entire mastermind group told me what I was about to do was a big mistake. Not quietly, but with adamant lectures about how I was throwing away everything that I had built up, and that if I continued down the path I had chosen, that all I would end up with at the end of it was a piece of paper and lots of wasted time and money.

I had recently been filed with divorce papers, and as I thought about that experience and what I wanted to create in the future, I declared to myself that I wasn’t going to settle in the romantic relationship department. As I looked around at the men in my life, the thought occurred to me that I might be single for a while. The next thought immediately popped into my head, “Then I am going back for my MFA in Writing.” A few hours later I started the application process.

I had wanted to get an MFA in Writing for years. It was one of my dreams, so I was completely surprised at the reaction of my mastermind group. They told me that I was selling myself short. My business was about ready to take off in a big way, and this decision was a way for me to sabotage or to hide from success.

Their reaction caused me to pause and to think. What determines sabotage? What defines following one’s dreams? What is the action of hiding versus an act of following one’s passion? Could it just be a matter of perception? How does one determine if a sacrifice is worth it?

I mumbled to my mastermind group that I was going to be a single mother now and needed a steadier job. I also needed health insurance. There just so happened to be the dean of a university in my mastermind group, and he shook his head. “You make more now and you know it. You will never be able to make as much as a teacher as you would doing coaching. If you do this you are leaving a lot of money on the table.” He let that settle before he added, “Do you have any idea how much time a master’s requires? I see so many people work around the clock, and what they end up with in the end is a piece of paper. You don’t need that paper. You could teach at colleges right now, unless you want to become a professor.”

The sad truth was that he was right. The group was right. So what did I decide to do? I am now currently in the MFA for Writing program. Why? Because it is my dream. When it boiled down to it, one question helped me to decide on whether to continue to work for the MFA or to build my business. The question wasn’t how much money I’d make because coaching fulltime would be a better choice money-wise. It wasn’t about spending the past years building a business and if I walked away how much time I would I lose. No, instead, the question that cleared my head was: When I die will it matter to me if I made it as an extremely successful business person? The answer was “No.” Then the next question: Would I regret not learning as much as I could about the craft of writing and giving that love of my mine one more chance? “YES!”

Bottom line, there are a lot of ways to look at your big decisions and where you are going in your life. If you want to make the right decisions for you, it is time to get really honest and to sort through what you value most and go for it!

Implementation Day

Monday, 19th May 2014

checks

Many entrepreneurs are overwhelmed with all the daily operations of their business. They struggle to make progress in the areas they want to grow.  Others suffer from so many things to do that they feel they are never truly gaining ground on anything. A great solution for this dilemma is called “implementation day”. This is a day where the entrepreneur blocks out the entire day to get something important done. If you cannot make time for an entire day, even a half-day will yield great rewards. Some of the types of implementation days I have created and have worked with others to try are:

  • Marketing days, where we worked on the marketing
  • Copyrighting
  • Launch dates
  • Article writing days, where I wrote articles for my newsletter, finished up creating an e-course, and wrote an e-course.

As you can see, the tasks can be just about anything that you need  to grow your business or to keep your business running smoothly. Here are some of the rules for establishing an effective Implementation Day:

  • Have an implementation day buddy.
    It is way too easy not to hold true to the day and getting things done. It’s easy to let other things take over the day when you don’t have a partner to hold you accountable.
  • Go somewhere different.
    It is best if you can go somewhere that is not easy for distractions to find you.  If you are able to really focus on your task and not have a multitude of interruptions, you will more likely get into the flow and have a more successful day.
  • Prioritize what is most important for you to accomplish, and then work down the list.
    It is essential to know what your main goal of the day is and then have a second goal.  Make sure that you have everything you need to get the goal done and you have things lined up.  The point of implementation day is to get things done, so make sure you have organized so there is no thinking about what you are going to do.
  • Be very specific about how often you are going to take breaks and what they look like.
    Breaks are important and needed in order to function and produce, but you don’t want the breaks to get out of hand.  So make an agreement with your accountability partner concerning what you will do and won’t do.
  • Make sure that you have proper nourishment and drink with you.
    It is impossible to keep on working at your best if you are suffering from a sugar low or you are thirsty.  Make sure to have supportive food and drink around you.
  • Keep track of how much you have accomplished.
    Make sure that you note, before you start, where you are in your project, and then mark how much you accomplished by the end of the day.  Being able to see how much you have accomplished is a huge reward that not only gives you a sense of accomplishment but lets you see how effective your implementation day was.
  • Schedule you next implementation day.
    A great thing about implementation days is that they don’t  have to be a one shot day.  It is something that you can put into your schedule on a regular bases.

Your life and your business is going to feel much different after scheduling regular implementation days and giving yourself the blessing of single focus.

 

Align With Your Business Goals!

Monday, 29th April 2013

Align With Your Business Goals!

In order to become 100% committed to any goal it is critical to make sure that the goal is in alignment with your top three values to be able to maintain consistency and long term focus.

Don’t know what your top three values are? Take the test right now at http://www.stepitupqueen.com/ValueAssessment