Returning to their Abusers

Monday, 31st December 2007

sad woman

On average, abused women are returning to their abuser seven times before leaving them for good.  Why is this happening?  Many will say because the victim will not stand up for herself, or on a subconscious level, she likes being a victim.

The truth is that her community is failing her.  Many of these women are ending up homeless on the street, or having their abuser take her children from her, or have extreme religious, social and money pressures to go back and make it work.  These women don’t have a safety net they can rely on, little opportunity to earn enough to support her family, and little or no training on how to stand on her own. 

Until society stops brushing her off to the side, blaming her and becoming a community where she and her family can find redemption, the spiraling social problems that come from this will continue.

How do you recover from divorce?

Wednesday, 12th December 2007

On the day of my wedding, the howling wind woke me hours before the alarm. My sleep had been restless. Kicking the blanket off, I rose to catch a glimpse of the dark sky. Taking a deep breath, I parted my drapes to admire the last sparkle of stars before the sunlight disguised them from view.


That day I was taking steps in my life’s journey that would permanently change my future. Dramatic changes were before me, and I could hardly wait to start.


Unlike many, I was not nervous on my wedding day. I had no need to be. I was marrying a man who loved me so much he couldn’t hide his desire to make me his wife. We had met at a dance a mere two and a half months earlier and fell instantly in love. We just clicked. It felt as if I had gone home, which I thought at the time was a good thing. When he proposed, I was surprised that it came so soon, but knew from his pleading eyes that to say, “No,” would crush him. I couldn’t do that to him. As I hesitated, he described what our future would be like. We would develop our art, have beautiful children who would love us, and we would be happy. I believed him. Like most people, the thought that we would divorce never crossed my mind. Our love was strong, our commitment firm. Nothing would come between us.


The statistics that one out of every two couples divorce never penetrated my thoughts that early May morning as I looked out the window at the sky, thinking about my upcoming wedding. Yet thirteen years later, I received the much anticipated phone call from my lawyer. “Congratulations, you’re officially divorced.”


After hanging up the phone, I wondered, “Now what?” What do I do since my dream has been shattered into a million pieces? How was I going to go on? What would it to take put one foot in front of the other? How would I glue myself back together so I could dream, smile, laugh, and embrace life? It seemed, at the beginning, impossible to be happy again, to feel alive, and okay.


How would I glue myself back together so I could dream, smile, laugh, and embrace life?


I’d love to hear how other were able to heal.

Weight Loss Accountability

Friday, 7th December 2007

One of the great things about living violence free is that we can pursue and encourage others to reach there goals.  A couple of weeks ago I was giving a seminar on goals and a participate decided that she wanted to play a big game.  She wants to reach size 8 by June.  I asked her if she would be willing to do this on a public forum to TRULY hold her accountable.  She is up for it.  She will be giving progress reports so lets root on Donna!  (Her picture is coming soon so she can have total accountabilty.)  Here’s her report:

 My progress so far is that I’ve slimmed down by 8 pounds and my waist is 4 inches smaller. :)  I’m going to the gym twice a day and watching my carbs.

Donna Harris-Vazquez, Busy Bee Vitural Assistance

Anyone else want to play big send me a post and your commitments?