Many people wonder if they are in an abusive relationship or if the problems they experience are all part of normal marriage discord. Answer these simple questions to get a better idea as to what kinds of problems you are having in your marriage.
1- Does your stomach tighten when your spouse drives up in the driveway?
2- Do you feel like you have to be careful what you say around your spouse, and that anything could set him/her off?
3- Does your spouse swear at you, throw things, or physically hurt you?
4- Do your friends like your spouse or do they comment that he/she doesn’t treat you well?
5- Is your spouse willing to talk to you openly about finances, or does he/she control what you know and what you spend?
If the answer was yes to any of the questions, serious attention needs to be placed on the dynamics of your relationship. There is a high probability you could be in an abusive relationship.
Posted in: Self Improvement at 1:31 pm
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after reading I am not sure, if I am victim of abuse or not. My husband is a nice man and even cooks for me, he has never hit me. Never even been verbally derogatory except that he never wanted to have kids and tells me that he had told me that he wanted a simple life when we were courting, but I never knew his definition of simple life meant no kids, no furnishing in the house and even a washing machine or curtains will be considered a luxury. So I did get one after six years of patiently waiting, the curtains and after ten years washing machine. It was not that we could not afford it, I did get pregnant after 7 years when his father talked to him about necessity of producing a heir and when I got pregnant again after 7 years he asked me to abort but by then I was grown up and refused. He stormed out of our bedroom and now comes only at times when he wants to be intimate. My kids sleep with me as he sleeps in the room meant for them. He stops me from taking up any job stating that I need to be there for the kids. At times he is aloof at times too close and I have noticed a pattern its when his mother is about to visit or their is an official function I am supposed to attend. I am scared when he is around and we have discussions but never of intimate kind where I can tell him how I feel. I am not able to understand him and if I go out, I do make sure I am home before he is. He never says no but I have no idea how much I can spend how much I cannot. At times I do put my foot down now but do regret it later as it leads to argument later or some kind of disapproval from him like I told you so. I always feel I am living with a father figure and not a partner. Its all about my duty as a wife and a mother and a house wife. when I read up on domestic violence I find only three points to support it and rest I do not. Recently it has become like that you should go back to your parents (my parents are no more, my brother lives abroad and currently house is vacant) and live there and I will move around. As his is a transferable job. thats the end of any argument. I try and make peace by finally agreeing with him just for kids sake. He never fights before kids but blames me if they do not obey him. At times when I have told my kids to have a break and he comes in and then he will shout at them for not studying but if I try and tell him,he will say its my fault that they do not obey him. I am stuck between my kids and him then. If I do not say anything then my kids cry for him being unfair. I have tried talking to him but he will tell me I do not respect him.I am so confused. Please help.
Manisha,
Abuse is a tricky word and not always the best way to describe a situation. What you outline above is a situation where you are not free to be yourself. It sounds like your husband is controlling in certain ways from the way you spend money, your time, and how you interact with each other and the kids. I would advise you to see some help. I do think that your situation is complicated and needs more than I can respond in a blog post. Please seek a good counselor in your area that specialized in domestic violence. I think he or she would be able to help you understand how to better stand up for yourself safely and help you explore your options.
Sending you much happiness.
Lisa